


Live by the Night

by OhShitItsDatBoi (EmilysRose)



Series: Self Indulgent--is it Cannon? Oh my. [1]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Camping, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fingerfucking, Masturbation, Public Sex, Sex, canon sexual violence, long talks, my version of cannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:47:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilysRose/pseuds/OhShitItsDatBoi
Summary: How I wanted Twilight to go





	1. Wet for Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long, lengthy, weird fic that I've had on my computer for fuck knows how long. Why not share it? It's pretty close to canon with some minor changes:
> 
> Bella goes by Bell and is Korean.  
> She calls Forks "Hell"  
> Jacob's ethnic identity as a Quileute Tribesman has not been butchered and desecrated to fit a love triangle supernatural story. In fact, he's not a Quileute Native at all, but he is a werewolf.  
> Edward goes by Isaiah because Edward is an ugly sounding name (to me) and is way older and not really Edward at all (it's effervescent)  
> This chapter starts off after Bella realizes that Edward is a vampire.

 

I knew I was dreaming but it still felt like I was opening up my eyes. The lights were green and sickly, the color of the forest when the sun was out. I could hear crashing waves against the rock. If I got out of the forest—the labyrinth, the maze, the prison—I knew I’d be able to find the ocean and the sun. I tried but the roots came up to grab at me and the branches always found a way to obscure my vision.

Suddenly Jacob Black was there. He stood in the middle of a path that suddenly cleared and I recognized the wrought iron gate behind him, the dead climbing roses. It was the way to the cold, hard land that looked like an Alaskan wilderness. He grabbed suddenly at my hand, pulling me towards the darkness of the forest and away from the gate. I noticed, looking over my shoulder, that it was partially opened, swinging a little in a cold breeze.

“Run, Bell. Run!” Jacob said, so horrified his voice was hardly above a whisper. He looked terrified.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Jacob, what’s wrong?”

“He got in.” Is all he said before he let go of my hand. I stumbled, falling into the forest floor on hands and knees, yelping as sharp twigs and branches stabbed into sensitive flesh. “Jacob!” I yelled. But he was gone. In his place was a large black wolf, eyes glowing green. The wolf faced away from me, pointing towards the shore and the crashing waves, the hair on the back of its haunches bristling and its ears pinned back. A low growl was escaping from its heaving chest.

“Bell?” Angela’s voice called, so far away it sounded almost like the crashing waves themselves.

Isaiah stepped forward then, coming around a tree. His skin glowed a bit and his eyes were their deadliest black, the bruises so strong that he would have looked sickly in his paleness if not for his beauty. He raised a hand and beckoned me with a familiar finger.

The wolf in front of me growled.

Isaiah smiled at the wolf. His gaze was dead and furious, looking so familiar it broke my heart. He stared at the wolf as if it was a bug, a thing that shouldn’t even be considered precious enough to let be. His mouth, though, was smiling. His teeth were sharp, pointed.

“Trust me, Bell.” He said, voice so sexy that I moaned. I was on my hands and knees, twigs breaking the skin so my blood pooled between me and the ground. I was at once desperately horny, moaning as he said my name. I reached down, slipping my fingers beneath my clothing and feeling wet heat. I danced my fingers between soft and swollen folds, teasing myself before circling that wonderful, aching spot.

His laughter was cold and mocking. I got wetter.

Then the wolf launched itself across the space, fangs aiming for Isaiah’s jugular.

“No!” I screamed, wrenching upright in bed. I ripped my hand from underneath my boy shorts and tore the blindfold off with wet fingers. My phone—nearly dead—clattered to the floor. My lights were still on—at least the paper lanterns and the salt crystal—and I was sitting nearly naked in bed, chest heaving. Disoriented, I glanced at my alarm clock. It was five-thirty.

My vibrator was across the room, tucked in the closet. I didn’t have the time or patience to grab it as I shoved my shorts down towards my knees and put my fingers into my aching, needy hole. My nails scratched my inside walls and though I usually didn’t go for it, the pain of the sensation made me moan, my walls clenching greedily at the feeling. It wasn’t enough. I shoved my palm against folds, rubbing as my fingers moved in and out, causing a wonderful kind of twist against my aching entrance. It wasn’t enough.

I shoved my shorts off all the way, kicking them across the room as I shoved my hips up into the air. With one hand shoving in and out with a kind of fast paced savagery I had never done to myself before, I used my main hand’s two fingers to circle clockwise around my clit. I bit off my groan, shoving my head back into the pillows and arching my hips and chest just to feel the stretch of it as the glorious tingling made my legs quake. It wasn’t enough, but it felt too good to stop. I was quickly getting to orgasm so I switched direction, going counter clockwise as my fingers made obscene, wet noises as I shoved three fingers into me. When I felt that peak again, I switched back. Back and forth and back and forth with such and demanding pace that I was thrusting down into my hand.

It happened quick and it happened sudden. A cold breeze came from my cracked open window, sending a bit of cold across my stomach and breasts—and then I was gone. I writhed in my sheet, trying desperately to keep my hands going as my legs clamped shut and my body twisted sideways. A strange, embarrassing mewl escaped from my throat as I prolonged my climax with more delicious circles. I twitched and shook until, finally, I released myself, gasping into my pillow.

Yeah… yeah, I was fucked.

I used an old, discarded blouse to wipe my hands as I sat up, looking over at the window. It was opened just a crack but I couldn’t remember doing that. I shoved aside the curtains and closed the window, holding myself for a while as I looked out into the yard. Across the street, the trees swayed in the wind. The clouds that met the night sky look like they were touching. Everything was dark and as it should be.

I tried not to think. It was weirdly easy in the post-orgasm bliss.

Getting up, I grabbed a towel and rushed to the bathroom. I took a long hot shower and took extra care in my facial routine, even going so far as to blow dry my hair. I looked at myself for a long time afterwards, watching my parted lips that showed my upper row of teeth, thanks to my gentle overbite, and my eyes. They were my favorite part about me, narrow and without an upper fold, long on my face. The bottom lips often came up when I was glaring or smiling, making my eyes look even narrower, though never small.

Towel back on, I moved out of the bathroom to see that Charlie was already awake, the cruiser gone—out fishing again—and used the free house to walk around naked as I shoved cereal into my mouth and grabbed for my nearly dead phone.

I typed the word vampire in then closed the tab completely. I knew about vampires. Everyone knew about fucking vampires. Looking them up wouldn’t help the dilemma I had raging inside of me. No. Looking up mythology would do nothing. Vampires were undead creatures, they drank blood to survive. Some legends said they hated crosses, couldn’t look into mirrors and were repelled my garlic. Either way. Blood drinking undead.

I was attracted to one. Deep into my core, I was so attracted that even as, in my subconscious, I knew he wanted to kill me… I couldn’t help but feel aching and needy at the sight and sound of him. He had said he’d killed before. He’d said he didn’t have a soul. He’d said he was dangerous in so many different ways. I had believed him when he’d told me that he was dangerous but… it hadn’t really sunk in. Not fully.

Vampires weren’t supposed to be real. But then neither were cold, beautiful people who could lift cars without effort. I knew he wasn’t human. Vampire wasn’t much of a leap from there. I was pussy footing around my own fear.

I had a choice. Give in and go into some dark, deep shit… or leave. Ignore him as he’d tried to do, cancel all plans with him, tell myself not to think about him. Go on dates, maybe even get out of Hell early and go on tour with mom as I got my GED.

Eventually, I would need to make that decision. But not now. I couldn’t do it without knowing more, seeing more.

 

* * *

 

The next day I found Charlie was finishing breakfast. He smiled as he picked up on my mood. “Nice day out,” He commented.

“That it is, daddy-o. That it is,” I grinned at him.

His own smile was accompanied by crinkling and folds. When he smiled, it was easier to see how my strange and wild mother had come to love him so deeply. Most of their romance had been in high school, their marriage happening almost immediately after graduation. She’d had me about a year later and decided to leave in a whirlwind of anger and tears as she felt the trap of domestic life snapping closed.

Eating breakfast was pleasant. I hummed to a random song in my head as dust moats stirred into the sunlight streaming into the back window. Charlie gave a quick kiss on my head before calling out a goodbye and leaving for work.

I was one of the first people to school. Parking, I headed towards the seldom-used picnic tables in a shade of green grass. I flung myself over the top, lying on my back just to feel the sun on my body as I closed my eyes and meditated. I was feeling good and loose when I heard my name being called.

I sat up on my elbows and looked to see that the school had become populated while I lay there. Everyone was in t-shirt and some were even wearing shorts though the temperature couldn’t be over sixty. Mike was jogging up towards me in board shorts and a striped Rugby shirt, grinning.

“Hey, Mike.” I said, grinning as I sat up. He came over, deciding to sit by me on the table instead of the benches, his grin stretching across his face. His gelled spiked were tiny and shining golden in the light today.

“You look like your in a good mood.” He said, smiling as he reached forward and caught a stray hair in the breeze. He tucked it behind my ear and I tried not to show my sudden discomfort as I looked up.

“It’s the sun.”

“So, what did you do yesterday?” He asked, his tone a bit too proprietary to be casual.

I shrugged him off with a smile. “I went clubbing in Seattle. It was really fun."

His eyes widened. “What? Now way. All by yourself?”

“Sometimes it’s better to be by yourself,” I said softly. “Sometimes it’s the only way to immerse yourself into a large body of people and lose everything for a minute or two.” He was frowning.

“Oh,” He said. “Well… do you wanna go with me sometime? We could make a day of it, go dancing together.”

“I don’t think that’ s a good idea, Mike.” I said, hating to be put on the spot.

His face fell. “Why?” He asked, suddenly guarded and suspicious. I couldn’t help but think of Isaiah, wondering if that’s what he was thinking, too.

“Okay.” I leaned in close. “If you ever repeat this I will cheerfully beat you to death so mum is the word, all right? But I’d hurt Jessica’s feeling if I went out with you.”

He looked bewildered, obviously not expecting things to go in that direction at all. “Jessica?”

“She likes you,” I crowed, slapping him lightly on the chest.

“Oh.” He looked faced, blinked. “Oh.”

I nodded, jumping off the bench. “Anyway, it’s time for class. I don’t wanna be late.” I gathered my purse and walked away to building 3. He looked dazed still as he walked away and I hoped that he focused on Jessica from now on.

When I saw Jessica in Trig, I was excited to see her bubbling. She, Angela, and Lauren were going to Port Angeles tonight to go dress shopping for the dance. She wanted me to come, too, to help out. I agreed to go without hesitating, glad to have a girls night out again in a big city. She talked about nothing but the dance on the way to Spanish and into lunch. I was nodding along, already a little bored with the subject as my eyes danced through the cafeteria, needing to look at the Cullens and compare them now that I had knowledge of what they were. I felt nervous, scared, my stomach jumping as my eyes moved towards the Cullen’s table.

It was empty. None of them were there. I looked away quickly, cataloging ‘avoiding sunlight’ in my mental list as I walked towards the food. We were late enough that everyone else was already at the table. I avoided the empty chair next to Mike for the one next to Angela, chatting to her about going to Port Angeles with her. I was surprisingly vindicated when I noticed that Isaiah wasn’t in Biology either.

The day passed a little slowly. Gym was awful, soccer being a new personal torture in Hell’s repertoire. The only saving grace was that while I was driving to my house with Angela—so Jessica could pick us up—Lauren canceled suddenly, having other plans sprung on her. Angela and I ditched our books in my house as Jessica swung by with her old white Mercury. I felt my heart full in my chest as we left Hell’s city limits.


	2. Stalker Vampire!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped the boring parts, since it's so close to canon.
> 
> BTW, a warning. My rape scene is a little bit more hardcore than Meyer's rape scene. The actual act of rape doesn't happen, though. So fair warning.

I turned my head quickly and walked faster. I had very little doubt that these men wanted something other than money. I strained my ears to listen to their footsteps, though I was just psyching myself out. Looking over my shoulder repeatedly made me realize that they never drawled behind, never got any closer. They kept a safe and strange distance of about twenty feet, not talking to each other as they watched me walking.

A car moved into the street. I jumped forward, throwing up my hands, but it sped past with a honk. The men who had been following me laughed and I quickly ran away from them until I reached the corner. A swift glance revealed that it was only a dead end to a warehouse with massive padlocks on its industrial doors. I was lost. I turned to quickly run across the street to the sidewalk and headed left. I could see a stop sign up there. I concentrated on the footsteps behind me. They sounded farther and farther back but I could hear one talking jovially into his phone, his words indistinct. In my heels, there was no way I could actually run. I glanced over at them, seeing them maybe forty feet behind me now. They were both staring at me, the one with the phone to his ear grinning widely.

It seemed to take forever to get around the corner. I kept my pace steady and quick, the men falling further behind with every step. I hoped that once I got to the sign I’d get to a more populated area. I walked around the corner.

And stopped.

The street was lined on both sides with concrete blocks of buildings that had no windows. In the far distance—maybe five or six blocks—I could see intersections with heavy traffic, street lamps, pedestrians. But they were too far away. Lounging against the building directly in front of me were two men, the lost couple from the stalkers. They were smoking a cigarette and turned their head as I saw them, smiling strange, excited smiles at me.

I realized I wasn’t being followed, then. I was being herded.

I paused, unsure of where to go. I could hear the other men coming steadily up behind me. I darted to the other side of the street. The footsteps were getting louder. “There you are!” A booming voice said, making me jump. He was stalky and dark haired with a receding hairline and flip-flops and dirty looking toenails. I looked over to see him yelling it down at the two stalking men.

“Yeah,” A voice called loudly. “We just took a little detour.”

“Where is Marcus?”

“Should be around here!”

I was across the street. I moved down the sidewalk and as I passed the alley I had the briefest moment of panic before a large and dark figure grabbed my arm and jerked me sideways into the darkness.

I screamed, loud and shrill, trying to jerk my arm away as my other hand came up to slap blindly in front of me. My hand was caught, though, my flail ineffectual. “Hey, baby, what’s with that hostility?” A loud, terrifying male voice asked. I could barely see him in the darkness.

“Marcus! You found her. She’s a little skittish!” A loud voice called. The other men were coming towards the alley.

I jerked, screaming again, but the men only laughed. I had nothing against the grip on my arms, nothing against their strength even if that strength was normal and warm and human. I grunted, lashing out with my feet as the hands swiveled me sideways and grabbed me by my upper arms, pinning them behind my back. I was facing the open mouth of the alley, watching in horror as the other men came closer and closer.

“Don’t be like that, baby.” They said, still loud, even though they were so close.

“Yeah, baby. We’ll make you feel good.” The man behind me said.

  
It was then, at that comment, that the realization sunk in. I was about to be raped. It was a strange and simple word for the numbing terror that was locking itself inside my body. Things went very quickly after that, my mind unable to really retain the information as I stood there, scared.

The hands gripping my arm tightened.

“She’s so fucking hot!” The men were close.

I could smell them, like sweat and dirt. Their eyes were wild, their faces split into grins. One—black hair, tall, mid-thirties maybe—was closest.

My shirt was ripped open. The jerk was violent and I threw myself back as buttons popped and my breasts were exposed to open air.

Laughter.

I could feel tears. Something sharp and cruel grabbed my right nipple. A tongue was on my neck. My foot was lashing out. I felt it connect. Then a hand was slamming across my face in retaliation.

Hands were on the buttons of my shorts.

And then headlights.

An open car door. I looked at a tall and statuesque silhouette walked towards the open mouth of the alley. Isaiah Cullen. I knew him instantly, almost instinctively. 

I watched as the men yelled at Isaiah to go away. Warning Isaiah that he didn't want to get involved and be a hero. A punch was thrown. The man screamed and held his fist to his chest after it had connected to a chiseled and stone-like cheek. Isaiah didn't even flinch. There wasn’t even a break in momentous strides.

I looked at Isaiah Cullen, face unreadable, eyes burning gold, as he stepped calmly forward. He ignored the punches and knives that were aimed at him. Every attack on him did nothing. They mostly hurt themselves. The hands on my arms tightened and then I was released.

I ran towards Isaiah. I threw myself into his chest like I would throw myself into an inviting concrete wall. He smelled like citrus and sandalwood. His hands on me were barely there, nothing more than cold memories as they ghosted over my shoulders and my arms. He was even gentle in guiding me out of the alley.

“Fucker!” A man yelled. I felt something yank my hair and I screamed as I was pulled backward.

Isaiah didn’t move--or at least, I didn't see him move. One second he was there, the next he wasn’t. My hair was released as a wet grunt sounded, and then he was behind me, guiding me again with gentle hands towards the waiting Volvo. Like in the parking lot when I got sick—god, how long ago was that?—he led me directly to the door. The men in the alley weren’t yelling or chasing anymore.

I slid inside smooth leather seats and then Isaiah was just in the driver seat as if he had always been there. He shut his door and revved the engine forward, taking turns at incredible speeds with control and precision.

  
I was shaking. I was crying. I hugged myself, burying my face in my uplifted knees as I wailed my frustration and fear and anger and—above it all, shame. I felt ashamed. Why did I feel ashamed? There was no cause or reason for it. I had been the victim. And yet the violation in and of itself, the fear, was budding into bright and hot shame that felt worse than the fear somehow.

I was almost raped. _Almost_ , I reminded myself as I opened my mouth and screamed—screamed as long and as loud as my lungs could allow—into my knees. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. It felt like a reprieve. It felt like a threat.

Needing something—anything—besides my own thoughts, I surged forward to stab at the radio. I turned on the music and surfed the channels, looking for something. Pop, then country, then some classical, some more pop, some rap. And then, of all things, Sublime’s Date Rape. My laughter was suffocating and turning quickly into hyperventilating as I grabbed my aching head. The car was spinning. It was so dark. I—

  
A cold and hard hand grabbed at me, so unlike flesh that I didn’t even flinch. It was insistent, unstoppable. It grabbed my hand and led it towards a hard wall covered in cotton and moving up and down. “Like this,” A hard, cold, rough voice said. “Like this.” The wall moved up. The wall moved down. “In and out, Bell. Like this.” Up and down.

I took in a shaking breath as the chest rose. I let it out as the chest lowered. In and out. In and out. My breathing evened and I realized, all at once, that I was Isaiah Cullen’s car. We were somewhere dark where no light penetrated but the ones from the dash. It made him look pale—but he was always pale—and severe. His features cut in crisp lines and definitions that I again wished I had the ability to paint. His eyes, the warmest of golds, were set into an expression of pure murderous rage. I hadn’t seen the look on his face since the first Biology class I’d had with him. Pure fury. Pure capability.

Why did that clam me? Why did that make me stop shaking?

It felt like I was in a strange cocoon with him, an isolated little oasis of light and darkness, shaking fear and cold. He’d turned off the music. He kept breathing in deep, exaggeration the motions, and with him still holding my hand to his chest it was automatic for me to follow the steady up and down. I was still curled up in his seat, my fishnet’s texture strange against my bare chest. I could feel one of the little strings catch on a nipple piercing—the right one—and I flinched at the pain there. “Talk to me.” He ordered, voice more of a demand than anything else.

“Almost,” I whispered. “I was almost raped.”

I watched his eyes close—the motion not even a motion, just an action that existed—and his full upper lip curling to exposed straight and white and perfect teeth. He had no fangs. The idea made me giggle. It sounded off balance, even to me. A strange thought occurred to me then, my laughter ending so quickly it made the silence ring out. “Mr. Varner is always telling me how I dress provocatively and—”

“Shut up.”

Hot anger rose into my chest, sharp and cutting through the shame. “It’s what they always say. A girl shouldn’t be going out alone in the street. She shouldn’t be without her phone at all times. She shouldn’t be dressing the way she does.” I looked down. My blouse was torn, buttons are gone, fabric ripped. My knees were pressed tightly to my chest and my stocking had gotten tagged in my nipple ring. I hated my nipple rings suddenly. I’d gotten them to feel better about my small breasts, to be proud of them. Get a little flare to highlight one of my least favorite features. I hated them now. “She’s asking for the attention.”

“You’re too smart to believe such bullshit.” His voice was nothing short of a rumbling snarl. A cold hand—the one that wasn’t pressing my hand to his chest—grabbed my chin in a vise and made me look up into violence filled golden eyes. “You didn’t expect there to be in danger. The world shouldn’t be filled with such danger. Because you are undefended does not mean that you were asking for anything. Because you dress to impress, because you dress in a way that makes you feel beautiful, does not make it an invitation.” His thumb caressed my chin in a small, cold movement. “Be proud that you're so beautiful.”

I blinked at him. “You think I’m beautiful.” It was a good thing to cling too. It made me feel weird and panicked and bubbly and vulnerable.

He ignored me. “There’s no excuse for attacking and raping someone, Bell.” His voice was a deep hiss.

I moved to try and get him to release my hand and chin. There was no way to force him to do anything, but he let me go. He didn’t move as I reached forward to grab his face, pressing my palms to each cheek. I was consciously aware of my wrists near his mouth. Consciously aware of his pupils growing huge and his breath stopping all at once so he was an immovable statue in seconds. His eyes were so dark, so angry. The violence in them was an unreal thing that shouldn’t have so much force, passion, or concentrated will. “Thank you, Isaiah Cullen,” I told him my voice soft in the cocoon of darkness. The cold of his face made my hands ache. “Thank you for coming. Thank you for saying that.”

He did nothing. Didn’t even breath. The anger melted a little over the minutes we sat there in silence before his eyes closed and he moved his head away. I dropped my cold hands into my lap between my stomach and thighs. I looked at the clock on the dashboard, it’s light muted. It was somehow eight. I had left Angela and Jessica around five and had planned on getting back around six. Somehow, I’d lost two hours.

I didn’t move. He didn’t either. “Tyler is telling everyone that he’s taking me to prom,” I said, voice dull. I had no idea where the thought came from. “I didn’t even know about it until today. I think… I think I’d like very much to walk up to him and slap him.”

“I’d like to see that.” He said, equally dull.

We sat in silence. Eight turned into eight-thirty. I shivered, wondering what would have happened if Isaiah Cullen hadn’t suddenly appeared out of thin air like a monstrous knight in shining armor. If he hadn’t walked through them and led me to the safety and shelter of his car. Would the rape be done by now? Would I be limping my way to the boardwalk? Would I be too wounded to have walked? Would I be dead?

 _Almost, Elizabeth_. I told myself, squeezing my eyes shut. Almost. I knew, without a doubt, that I would now always associate coldness with safety. Maybe I’d even learn to love the purity and whiteness of snow.

“I’m supposed to meet Angela and Jessica. They’ll be worried.” I realized.

  
I didn’t expect him to start up the engine, but he did. He turned smoothly from whatever dark lot we were parked in. It took a ridiculously short amount of time to get back into town thanks to his speeding. He parallel parked in a space that looked way too small for the Volvo. I looked out the window. We were right outside La Bella Italia.

I didn’t question it. He had magically shown up in my time of need. Of course, he would know where I was supposed to meet my friends without being asked. He might be a stalker, I realized, not seeming to care about the consequences of that statement.

“Here.” I turned to watch him take off his black and white college cardigan. He handed it to me, looking away as I reached down to untangle my stockings from my nipple. I lowered my knees and planted my feet. I put it on, feeling the coldness of the fabric—as if it had been left outside—and buttoning it up quickly. It dwarfed my frame, more like a dress than anything. The collar was low and exposed the lotus flower tattoo.

I touched it with gentle fingertips. I’d gotten it for the same reason I’d gotten my nipple piercings. I’d wanted to highlight the space between my breasts instead of hiding it. Now, I guess, I’d gotten my wish. I tried to tell myself it was okay. I tried to tell myself that my opinions hadn’t changed. “Jessica and Angela are leaving,” He told me, his face still trained outside, looking in the opposite direction. He couldn’t see me and there was no way he could see my friends leaving the restaurant, walking worried and anxious towards a car parked on the boardwalk. I was relieved to see all the people they were walking with, relieved to see that their destination was brightly lit.

I opened the door to get out. Isaiah did the same “What are you doing?” I asked, frowning at him as he unfolded himself from the seat.

He leaned back into the car to look at me, eyes still dark. “I’m taking you to dinner.” He said, attempting a smile though his eyes stayed hard and tight.

  
“Why?”

“Because, Bell, the only thing stopping me from hunting down those men and ripping their throats out is the knowledge that you are here and you need to be taken care of.” He frowned at his own honesty, looking at me like he was waiting for me to run the other way screaming. Because it was true, I could see that. He would kill the men if he could.

I’d never in my life been more conflicted. My emotions were cruel, intangible things that came in and out as if ghosts possessing my body. Two things became very clear to me: I wouldn’t mind if Isaiah killed those men and I was scared of what that meant about myself. I nodded to him instead of saying anything, getting out. He slammed his own car door, doing it so hard that I was worried it would meld into the frame, the entire Volvo creaking and rocking onto two side tires at the force of the motion. I shut my own much more softly, watching him meet me in a human pace on the sidewalk.

“Go grab them before I have to track them down myself.” He paused. “Please.”

“That sounded painful, Izzy,” I said, feeling a dark sense of humor run through me at his tight expression. I turned away from him. “Jess! Angel-ah!” I yelled as loudly as I could, realizing that my throat hurt horribly because of it. Wincing, I waved my hands high into the air—the sleeves of Isaiah’s sweater dropping to my elbows as I did—to get their attention as they turned. They walked back over to me with pronounced relief, then surprise as they noticed Isaiah leaning against his car next to me. They obviously hesitated. And I felt lost for a moment. Like the world was the same but something was terribly wrong.

Then a cold, hard arm put itself over my shoulders and drew me into Isaiah’s side. I looked up at him, seeing that somehow his cold, polite mask had dropped down.

“Hey, Bell,” Jessica said. “Where the hell have you been?” She sounded suspicious.

I realized then that my hair was a tangled mess. I tried to smooth it against my skull but it was pretty ineffectual with Isaiah’s arm there, pinning down most of it to my back. “I got lost on the way to the bookstore,” I said, unable to shrug with his arm on me. There was no weight but there was also no ability of motion. It was like he was holding his arm in place to touch me. Like a frozen statue, I happened to fit against. I looked up at him, seeing his eyes on me. So golden, so dark, so tight. “And then I ran into this son of a bitch,” I said, smiling up into his face and realizing that the only reason why I survived—even if he hadn’t saved me—tonight with any kind of sanity was because of him.

I felt safe with my stalker vampire.

He nodded to the girls and I saw that even though he was going for polite, his eyes were still intense and angry. It gave him a kind of smoldering ‘I will rip your underwear off you and eat your pussy like desert’ look. The idea made me laugh, my body nowhere near the capability of sexual arousal at the moment.

He ignored my laugh. “Hello.” He said in his most irresistibly rough voice. “Mind if I join in? Bell said she was having dinner with you guys and I gotta say, I’m a bit hungry.” I shivered, holding my stomach.

“Of course.” Jessica blurted, looking so shocked that I knew he’d never tried to use his powers of seduction on her before. She looked dazed and confused.

“Actually, Bell, we already ate while we were waiting. Sorry.” Angela winced.

  
“It’s all good. I’m really not that hungry—” I tried.

“Too bad. I want to eat.” Isaiah’s voice was low, full of authority. “Do you mind if I drive Star here home? You wouldn’t have to wait for us.”

“Uh…” Angela bit her lip, her eyes on me as she gave me the silent girl-code look.

The idea of not being with him at the moment made me feel breathy and scared. I needed him here with me, if only for a little while longer. I gave her a smile, winking at her and, just because I could, reaching behind me and gave Isaiah’s high and tight ass a slap. It was like slapping rounded stone but it did make a satisfying sound. His gaze lowered down to me, instantly dropping the polite mask for a deadpan arch of the eyebrows.

“Really?” He asked me.

I bopped him on the nose. The look of affronted dignity was so funny I threw my head back against his arm and laughed.

“Okay.” Angela said, voice rushed. “We’ll see you tomorrow Bell… Isaiah.” She nodded to him and then grabbed Jessica’s hand and pulled her away towards the car. As they went Jessica turned and waved, her face eager with curiosity. She held up her phone and pointed to it, mouthing out a ‘call me’.

“Fuck.” I sighed. “They have my stuff.”

“Let’s go, then.” Isaiah said, leaning me forward with his arm against the back of my neck. “Hey, girls!” I’d never heard him raise his voice. It was very powerful. Both Angela and Jessica stopped in an instant.

“I left my things,” I told them, smiling a bit. I made a motion with my shoulder and Isaiah’s arm was instantly off to allow me better mobility. I grabbed onto his hand for a lifeline as I rushed forward. “Let me just grab it from my car, yeah?”

“Sure, of course.” Jessica said.

The four of us walked down the boardwalk towards the parked car. I held on to Isaiah’s cold and immobile hand, aware that if he didn’t want to it wouldn’t be curled up around mine. I tried to spread his fingers to insert mine but he kept his hand the way it was, just cupping. “So, where did you two meet up?” Jessica asked, watching the two of us.

“In a dark alley.” I said.

Her eyes grew wide while Isaiah sighed heavily. I looked to watch him pinch the bridge of his nose. Before he lifted up his head his shoulders were shaking, then in a sudden, provocative movement he was doing one of his all out belting laughs again, his entire frame shaking and his head knocking back as thunder rumbled and roared from his throat. Both Angela and Jessica were frozen, watching him with wide eyes as he glanced over at me, giving me the first real smile of the night. His bad boy smile. “I fucking hate your sense of humor.”

“So you don’t want to hear my joke about stupidly rich pretty boys?”

He snorted. “Let me guess, it ends with you calling me a bastard?”

“You know the joke!” I cheered.

Shaking his head, he made a motion with his hand. It was a subtle thing but Angela and Jessica started moving again without a word between us. “I happened to be in Port Angeles for some shopping.” He explained to them. “There happens to be a boutique my sister Rosalie adores and I thought I’d give her a gift to make up for me crashing her favorite car the other night.” He shrugged it off and I looked at him, wondering if he was telling the truth. “I was taking the long way to the highway and I noticed Bell here standing out in the dark looking all lost. Time got away from us.” He shrugged.

“Oh.” Angela said.

“I’m rather glad I did find her, though.” Isaiah said. It was the most I’d heard him talk without prompting of some kind. “It’s been a while since I’ve talked to someone so willing to bash me every chance she gets.”

“Only ‘cus you deserve it.”

Isaiah kept going, though. “I’m excited for our trip to Seattle.” He looked down at me, obviously ignoring the way Jessica and Angela were reacting. “It’ll be fun, fucking with you on a four-hour trip.” Because of the way he said it, the low timbre of his voice, how he leaned in close so his cold breathe would brush against my face, made it very clear there was a double meaning to his words. I felt a blush creep up into my cheeks and a strange pull of desire along my body that I didn’t know I was capable of at the moment. It wasn’t as visceral as I was used to around him but it still made a shiver run up and down my body.

I wondered why he’d said it. To lay a claim? To imply something?

“Careful,” I murmured to him. “I fuck back.”

His smile was flashing and dangerous and his eyes were so, so dark. The gold band was hardly even there. “Oh, I know, Star.”

“Here’s the car!” Jessica screeched, her voice high pitched. She unlocked it for us and I thankfully grabbed my purse and jacket, checking my phone as I stepped away to see that I had a missed call from my mom, a text from Charlie, a friend request from Jacob Black and a whole lot of Snapchat messages from various friends in New York. I looked at them all, texting Charlie I was okay and coming home late before putting it back in my purse.

  
“You guys have a good night.” I called to them as Jessica stood by the car and Angela moved to open the passenger door.

“You too.” Angela said, smiling.

“Call me when you get home safe.” Jessica said, still standing there and staring.

I nodded and walked back to the restaurant with Isaiah, his hand reaching out to grab mine again. This time he parted his fingers into a kind of mold for me to slip mine into and gently clamped down so his presence was there. My hands swung from the motion of his movements, my gait walking to match his. “So, why the public display of affection?” I asked, looking up at him.

“What do you mean?”

I attempted to hold up our hands but without his willingness to do it, it was impossible. Instead, I squeezed his fingers and motioned behind us to the car leaving the lot. “I mean the flirting, the arm.”

“You started it with the ass slap.” He reminded me, his gaze still tight but his smile a little mischievous. His eyebrows were so expressive. They seemed to say: c’mon, play with me a little.

“Only because you put your arm around me.”

“It looked like you were going to fall.” He said, suddenly looking very serious. “You were wobbling on your feet.”

“I was?”

He nodded, his face all at once tightening up and looking away. “That and I wanted them to know I was taking you to Seattle.”

“Why?” I demanded.

“Because, Bell, I want to make sure people know where you are going and who with in case….” In case he lost control. In case he broke his diet and decided to eat me. I nodded, leaving it at that. We walked up to the little Italian restaurant without another word. He held the door open for me, releasing my hand so I could stride through.

It wasn’t crowded inside but it was dark and gentle music was playing above. The host was female and I watched her eyes light up and undress Isaiah as soon as she saw him. She welcomed him with as much enthusiasm as a female could.

It didn’t surprise me a bit how upsetting it was. I had grown attached to Isaiah’s intensely teasing flirting. I’d also gotten really, really attached to the feel of his cold skin against mine.

“Table for two.” His voice was low and rough and somehow being in the darkness made it different. Like in the car, there was an allure to his voice, a call. I saw the hostesses eyes flicker towards me before looking away dismissively. She led us to a table big enough for four in the center of the dining floor.

Isaiah shook his head. “A more private booth.” He said.

“Ah, sure.” She led us away around a partition of small booths that were all empty. The sounds of chatter was a lot less distinctive here. “How is this?”

“Perfect.” He flashed her one of his smiles as he slid in.

“Your server will be right out.” She said, blinking heavily as I slid into the booth across from him.

“You know,” I said, smiling up at him and then folding the sleeves of his cardigan so it wouldn’t drag. “You’re smile could probably convince someone to cure world hunger.”

He snorted, dismissing her as he looked at the menus in front of him. “I’m insulted that you think I have to charm someone to do it.”

“If you could, would you?”

He looked up, as if noticing the weight to the statement. “I’d want to…”

“But it would draw a lot of attention.” I surmised, nodding. “Hence the need to do your little razzle dazzle to get it done.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Razzle dazzle?”

“That thing you do. With the smile and the look and the voice.” I motioned to him. “C’mon, you think anyone else moves through life as easily as you do? You’re probably making the poor hostess hyperventilate in the kitchen right now.”

“Razzle dazzle hu.” He pulled at his chin. “Do I dazzle you?” He asked.

“No, you make me soak my fucking underwear though.” I watched him take a very deep breath in and then out, his eyes so very dark against that little ring of gold. I watched his tongue dance between his pink lips.

The server arrived, then. Her face was expectant and then overjoyed, her attention all on Isaiah. She flipped a strand of her long blond hair behind one ear and smiled at him with everything she had. “Hello, my name is Amber and I’ll be your server tonight. What can I get you to start with? Any drinks? Our specialties are right on the table and we have an excellent house wine tonight.” She was speaking only to him.

He was staring at me. It gave me a kind of vicious thrill. “I’ll have a coke,” I said, turning to her.

“Two cokes.” He ordered, still staring. “And bring two waters.”

“I’ll be right back with that.” She assured him.

He was still watching me. “Yes?” I asked him.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, looking earnest and severe.

“Well…” I thought about it. “I feel about two seconds away from a mental breakdown. I feel like I’ll have nightmares and strange fears and backlash from what happened tonight. I know I’ll never leave the house without pepper spray again… and I feel safe.” I gave him a look I hope conveyed what I felt. Just in case I said, “You make me feel safe.”

“I shouldn’t.” He said, voice very low.

“Oh, so I shouldn’t feel safe around the man who saved me in the nick of time from a back-alley gang-bang?” His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared at my pleasant smile. “You’re right, actually, I think I need to leave now. You’re much too much a savior—I’ll call an Uber.”

“Elizabeth Swan.” He said, voice tight. I grinned deeper. Fucking with him was really, really fun. He didn’t say anything else, though, just stared as his mind whirled and whirled with whatever thoughts occupied his life. I looked up as the waitress came back with drinks and a basket of bread. She put a plate down and produced a bottle of oil from her apron, splashing it on the plate and then adding some kind of crumbling stuff from a grinder in the same pocket.

“Are you ready to order?” She asked, putting her back to me.

“Bell?” He asked. She turned reluctantly towards me.

“Do you have any chowder primavera?”

She blinked. “No.”

“Okay. Any tofu options?” She was growing frustrated, I could see it. “Ah, does your mushroom ravioli have any meat in it?”

“No. It has mushrooms. And cheese.” She said.

“Then I’ll have that.” I nodded, handing her the menu I’d only just touched. She tucked it under her arm and turned back to Isaiah with a smile, asking him what he wanted.

“What else do you have that doesn’t have meat in it?”

“Salad and some of our pizzas,” She said sweetly.

Isaiah arched an eyebrow at me. “Want any of that?”

I shook my head. “Do you have any green goddess?”

“Yes.” She said, reluctantly turning back to me. “We do. A dip.”

“Can you make it with greek yogurt instead of mayo?” I asked.

“Sure.”

I looked to Isaiah who said, “We’ll have that, then. Thank you.”

She left a little dissatisfied looking. I watched him as he watched me.

“Drink.” He ordered, shoving one of the cokes forward. I grabbed the soda between my hands. I watched him rip the tip off the straw's paper casing, before putting it to his lips and blowing the paper at me. He put the straw in my cup--lip touched side up--with a satisfied grin. I sipped at the coke, not realizing how unbelievably thirst I was until half the drink was gone. “You don’t want any meat tonight?” He asked.

“I’m a vegetarian.” I informed him.

He seemed to find that amusing, his laughter dark and almost bitter. “Of course you are.” He shoved the bread towards me. I waited, not wanting to eat plain bread and not wanting to eat pure oil, either. He frowned at my lack of interest. “Eat.”

“Not till the green goddess.”

He nodded and looked at the restaurant, his eyebrows scrunching together. “This is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be.” He said.

“Oh? Am I too hard of a puzzle for you?” I asked, watching him. “Or do you now feel obligated to help me when all you want to do is drop me and forget you ever met me?” He'd said as much, after the car-crash.

He did one of his movements—the kind that was there and then not. One second he was looking away, the next he was staring at me with something like disapproval. “Do not ever joke about that, Bell.” He ordered. “It was cute before but we’ve gone too far for that shit now.”

“So you’ll let me in?”

His lips tightened. “I didn’t say that.”

The waitress came by with the green goddess. She put it down, tried to smile to get Isaiah’s attention, and then left again. I grabbed the bread and tore it into a little chunk, whipping it through the green dip and then plopping it into my mouth.

"What?" He asked.

"What?" I frowned up at him.

"That look in your face--what's wrong?"

I hadn't even  _made_ a face. I considered him, wondering how carefully he was watching me. "They used mayo, it's--hey--"

In second Isaiah was flagging down a walking waiter and handing the man the green goddess back, ignoring my protests. “This is not what we ordered. We specially asked that it be made with greek yogurt instead of mayo. Please take this back.”

“Of course.” The man blinked, grabbed the dish, then walked off.

“Seriously?” I hissed, leaning away from the table. “It’s not that bad, c’mon.”

“I have a very limited patience right now.” Isaiah said. “Let me do what I want.”

“That’s your excuse?” I threw my hands up, feeling his heavy sleeves bob and weave at the motion. “Oh, okay. Izzy is in a bad mood, everyone, let him make life more difficult for other people. He’s stressed.” His jaw tightened. “It’s not cool.” I clarified. “Actually it’s damn unattractive.”

“I don’t care.”

“Bastard.”

“Bitch.”

We glared at each other, neither one of us willing to budge until a man in a nice suit without that jacket came up. He smiled, having the air of a man who was obviously very comfortable talking to people. He looked between our glares, then settled on me because I was a lot less scary and smiled a little as he appeared. “How are we doing today?” He asked. “Everything all right?”

“It’s—” I started.

“Our order was wrong.” Isaiah cut in, drawing the man unwilling attention. “We ordered a green goddess and under the assumption that it could be made with greek yogurt and not mayo. Our waitress assured us of that.”

“Of course, sir, of course. We’re fixing that situation right now. I apologize for the discrepancy.” His eyes travelled back to me. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “We’ll make sure that everything is to your liking and that your meal is fully satisfying.”

“It would be more satisfying if you didn’t stare at her chest.” Isaiah hissed, looking ready to rise out of his seat.

I blinked, realizing that yes, the man was not staring at my face but at my lotus flower. “Izzy, stop.” I said, clutching the cardigan top closer. The man’s face was growing red.

Isaiah, thankfully, said nothing. He crossed his arms across his well-defined chest, his black t-shirt stretching a little. He waited. “I’m deeply sorry about the misconception, I have no—”

“So you weren’t just thinking about her lips around your cock?” I couldn’t help it. I groaned. I shoved my face into my hands and wished it would all go away. The man spluttered about something but Isaiah relentlessly went on. “I find that exceptionally inappropriate behavior for the owner of an establishment. Especially because shes a teenager. But that’s what you like, isn’t it, Melvin?”

I grabbed my purse and stood. Furious I shoved at the man before running out of the damn restaurant. I was out of the door before Isaiah was suddenly next to me, striding along. I ignored him, the bastard, the horrible, inappropriate, awful bastard. Instead my eyes roamed for the boardwalk and found an opened faced shop brightly lit up and proclaiming they had the best mac-and-cheese in Washington.

I strode for it, but then stopped. I turned on Isaiah, who was looking ahead without any expression on his face, and pushed at his hard chest. I was thrown backwards a little.

“What the ever living fuck was that?” I demanded. I was crying again. As soon as I acknowledged it the tears rolled down a lot freer, making me choke at the thickness in my throat. “What the fuck, Isaiah?” I was shaking. Why was I shaking?

He sighed. “He was thinking about—”

“You don’t know what he was thinking about.” I screeched. We were drawing attention. Neither one of us seemed to care.

“I told you.” He said, voice low. “I’m good at reading people. They’re like open books to me, everything thought that filters through their head, if they show it or not, is laid bare for me. And I—” He stepped closer. “Did not like what he was thinking. Not about you. Especially not after tonight.”

  
I felt the blood drain out of my face as the tears rolled and rolled. “You can read minds.” I said, horrified. Every thought I had around him… he could read? He must know, then, about my obsession for him. He must know and that’s why he’d tried so hard to stay away. Only he’d come back and now he thought I was going to go crazy or something? I didn’t know. My head was spinning.

He looked away, squinting at something, looking oddly uncomfortable. It was a new look for him. “Of course not. That’s absurd.”

“So are fucking vampires.” I hissed, spinning away and walking into the small hole in the wall stall. The man behind the counter looked wide eyed and confused, avoiding eye contact as I demanded a large spicy mac-and-cheese bowl. A long, pale hand was passing over a card before I could reach into my purse for money.

We waited in silence as the order came through. I stubbornly ignored my tears, not even reaching up to wipe them away as a recycled carboard bowl with steaming mac and cheese was given to me. I grabbed seven packets of pepper and some generic, non-vinegary hot sauce that proclaimed itself ‘wing sauce!’ and dumped it in till the cheese was red and speckled with black. Spinning it around with my fork, it made obscene wet noises before I shovel a huge spoonful in my mouth. The stall had no seating so I stomped towards the peer where concrete benches had put up so look over the waterfront.

Isaiah followed.

“So you know, then.” He said, sitting next to me. His simple statement sent a thrill through me, hitting that ball of dread I’d been feeling since I’d heard Jacob’s story. I had been so sure I was right and that yes, he was a vampire, but to have him confirm it? I used to believe the world was a certain way. Monsters do not exist. The things you fear and tell stories about are just that, stories. Fabrications created by millions of people over hundreds of years to safely express the horrors and fears of the world. Just stories… nothing to be afraid of… only now the stories were real and sitting next to me and reading my damn mind. It made the world feel different. The air, the seat, every conversation I’d ever had, everything I’d thought I’d known about myself and the world and the people of this world was suddenly ripped out from under me.

His hands dangled between his open knees and looked a little like defeat. “How?” I ignored him, shoveling the cheesy pasta in my mouth and wishing it was a little spicier without all the added shit from the wing sauce. _If you can fucking read my mind then you already know_. I hissed at him.

He sighed. “I told you—do you remember me telling you? In the cafeteria? I’m very good at reading people but I can’t read you. I can’t read your mind. You’re silent to me.” He said this very softly.

For some reason that made me feel unbelievably better. I wanted to hold onto my anger though, so I sat and I ate in silence. “Please, Bell. Just… talk to me.” He said, voice rough and pleading. I looked over at him to glare but found myself trapped by his gaze.

“Please.” He whispered. His voice was all base, all gravel. “Please.”

I closed my eyes “No. You don’t get to demand more from me.” It was so much easier talking to him without looking at him. “You’ll answer my questions, first.”

“Fine.” He seemed eager for it. “What?”

“Why were you really in Port Angeles tonight?”

His face became blank. “Next question.” Affronted, I was about to yell at him when he shook his head. “The answer will scare you more, I… I’m not lying to you. I don’t want to. But… please, don’t make me scare you more.”

  
I looked away, frowning into the night. “What are the limitations? How did you find me at just the right time? How did you know I was in trouble in the first place?”

He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “I should have been paying closer attention. I should have known you’d wander off and get yourself into trouble. Only you would. You’re like a magnet for fucking danger. But I wasn’t paying attention…” He trailed off, face a little haunted.

“And I was a little too late, I’m sorry for that.” His words made me think, again, of him being some strange, arrogant guardian angel. Then he spoke again. “Fuck—okay, fine.” He sat up, turning to look at me on the stone lip. “I followed you to Port Angeles.” He said, speaking in a fevered rush as if speaking the words quickly would get them out. “I’ve never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it’s a hell of a lot more trouble than I thought it would be. Maybe that’s just because I’m trying to keep you alive and unhurt. Ordinary people seem to move through life with a lot less day-to-day catastrophes.” He paused, waiting for my reaction.

He was a stalker, then. A strange, very gifted stalker who could follow me anywhere by listening to the minds around me. One that was faster, stronger, and more impenetrable than anything else in the world. Maybe a rocket launcher could hurt him, but what about one of Charlie’s bullets? I realized, suddenly, that he had more than an unfair advantage in the world. He had an unfair power base. Literally nothing short of exposure could stop him from doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. That included stalking me.

It was a weird feeling. Everything about him and around him made me feel weird. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on myself, tried to focus past the apathy that was slowly yawning open in my chest. Today had been too much. I couldn’t do this anymore.

“Why are you trying to save me?” I asked, focusing on that instead of everything else.

“Because I’m a little obsessed with you.” He said it so simply.  
I laughed, small and short. I looked towards him. “Ever think that maybe your fighting fate here?” I asked, motioning between us, feeling like I was talking about my own feelings. “That my number was up the moment Tyler’s van tried to crush me and you swooped in like fucking batman?”

  
“That wasn’t the first time.” He said, his voice so soft I had to lean in close to hear. “You were supposed to die the first time I met you.”

I flinched back, watching his eyes travel over to me, dead and still. “You remember?” He asked. His eyes were golden and his expression soft and pleading, but I could remember clearly the pure murderous hatred on his face when I'd first met him. The revulsion, the hatred.

“I… I have spent a vast majority of my very long life trying to be a good person. Morality is not easy as a vampire.” He said softly. “Many decide that they like the mastery over the world they have and toy with people. Do whatever they want. Consequences mean so very little to my kind. I had never wanted that myself. Carlisle taught me a different way, a better way, and from the get go I was looking to him for a solution to my… immortality. Some way to prevent me from hating myself even more that I already did.”

He looked across the waves. “It was hard at first. I can’t describe to you what happens when a new vampire comes into the world. I can only tell you that the urge to drink blood is like… like… the urge for you to breathe. Only more demanding. More consuming. Our emotions are different from yours. Our way of thinking is different from yours. You hold in yourself mortality, soul, infinity. You can think and feel different things at the same time, make decisions that will alter the course of your life like go to college or have kids. You have flexibility in that way. Opportunities that, as an immortal, I simply do not have.

“I, on the other hand, am bound. Stuck. Frozen. The monotony of my life is a never-ending thing. And my thoughts and feelings reflect that. We vampires have a one-track mind and though we can think much faster than you—almost as fast as a computer but not quite—it stays purely on one track till we are diverted to a different train of thought from outside stimuli. It’s why I’m so… capricious. But we—I—do not change. If I— we… change in any way, it’s sudden and fast and irreversible. Forever.

“When I met you… my life has been the same for centuries. Little things change, sure, the people and the places and the technology and the fashions and the culture.... but it’s always the same to me. And then you showed up, a mind I couldn’t read, a delicate nature that made me want to defend you.” He smiled as I stiffened. “You don’t know how fragile you are to me, Bell. How breakable and small. Not just physically, either.” He looked away again.

“I met you and I thought you were a monster come from the depths of my horror and nightmares to shove in my face everything I’d been burying for centuries. A thing created out of feminine charm and vulnerability and temptation; come to remind me that just because I am trying to be a good person doesn’t mean I’m not a cruel, cold, ugly monster. Your blood… sings to me. The smell of it…” He sighed. “It’s painful, it’s desirable, it’s impossible. Imagine for a second if you found yourself in a desert with no water and you’d been boiling your own piss to stay alive and suddenly…a well appears with the crispest, freshest water. It calls to you and it has beautifully sloe eyes and a wicked mouth.” His own eyes closed and he breathed in deep. “Imagine if that water was alive and real. That if you drank from it, it would cease to exist. That it would be missed desperately.

  
“The entire hour all I could think about was grabbing you and biting you and drinking from you. I thought of a million different ways to do it in seconds. Thought about the clean-up that would be required. Thought about how, if I killed you, I’d have to murder the entire school just to keep it a secret but that wouldn’t be so bad because hey, I’d already broken the seal. I’d killed this impossibly soft creature, everyone else was little consequence. The other students, the teachers… you’d be a strange school massacre in seconds. A thing that flashed in news reports for a week or two before being picked up by advocacy groups and urban legends. And then I thought about how much easier it would be if I found you alone. Dragged you into the forest with a smile like my brethren would. Or found you in bed at home.” He stopped.

I looked at my mac and cheese. Bubbly red cream, the shape of noodles. It looked unappetizing.

“I held my breath for dear life and tried to ignore the memory of your smell. I tried to hate you. I tried to think of the monster I would become if I actually leaned over and did what I wanted. How depraved I would be. I thought of what Carlisle would think of me. Of what Esme would say. What my family would have to do to protect me. That got me through it. And when the smell of you was gone… I…and then you were in that damn office. So fewer people to kill… and then I was running the fuck away. As far away as I could. Only, you had changed me in a single moment, a single breath. You had shown me the water and I… couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were everywhere, your smell a faint echo everywhere. I had to come back. I told myself it was for my family.” He shrugged. “And you’re so… you. You throw me off guard. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is after centuries of being surprised by absolutely nothing. And when Tyler’s van started towards you…

“I decided then to protect you. It’s harder than it should be. Usually I find someone very easily once I’ve heard their mind before. But you are silent to me so I have to help you by listening to others.

"I like listening to Angela more than Jessica. Her mind is much softer and sweeter. But you two had separated in the line to buy dresses and I was annoyed with Jessica’s bitchy thoughts and had my attention elsewhere. I bought this for Rose,” He reached into his pocket, ignoring my flinch at his movement, and took out a small velvet case from his pants. He popped it open with his thumb and exposed the shimmer of diamonds into the night. He put the case away just as quickly. “All of a sudden you’re gone and they were at the peer. I tried looking for you. I found that bookstore you passed by but didn’t go into—the woman there was still upset about it. Her business is failing. I knew there was nowhere to really go in the direction you went so I sat and I waited. I randomly searched for thoughts to see if anyone had noticed you anywhere. I was so anxious to find you…

“I started to drive in circles, then. The sun was setting and as soon as it did I knew I could track you much easier by scent. And then—” In an instant his face was all fury and harshness. Like a hair-trigger he was snarling, his upper lip curling again in that inhuman hatred. “And then I heard those men. I heard what they were thinking.” He snarled. “I saw your face in his mind and I listened to how he drank up your fear. There are more than just supernatural monsters in this world, Bell. There are human ones, too. People who abuse and try to overpower those not as blessed as they are. Be it money, sex, power, whatever. And he was so eager to abuse you.

  
“I hurried as fast as I could. I was watching through his eyes and I knew I wouldn’t be fast enough but I needed to be there quicker. I can’t… describe to you the effort of will it took to not come into the alley and just start killing. I wanted to, so bad. There was no reservations in it, no worry about being a monster, no worry about set-backs and disappointing my family and having to move. I just wanted to kill. But then I thought… what would that do to you? How would you feel after?” He sighed.

“Today you felt safe with me because I’d saved you…I used to consider myself a kind of vigilante. I couldn’t control my nature when I was younger and I rebelled against Carlisle and his ways. The thirst was a constant companion that kept taking my thoughts. I hunted only the bad. Men like _him_ , the rapists, the murderers, the abusers. I became the monster to kill the monsters. Only when I did the victims were traumatized by it all. They saw this man they perceive as beautiful slaughtering their way, protecting, acting a savage. No matter how delicately I did it the victims were scared by me. I made their horrible situation worse. Once I realized I could be no one’s savior I decided to stop and get a-hold of myself and go back to Carlisle who took me in like the misbegotten son.

“I did not want to scare you like that. I kept thinking that as I watched them pop open your shirt and pull your hair and laugh as you trembled and stared away with such a horrible resigned, blank expression on your face… like you’d already given up. Like the fight was out of you. They really fucking loved that. I heard their thoughts about what they would do to you. I thought killing them quickly and silently so you wouldn’t notice as I pried their hands off you and had you in my arms. I thought about it when I forced myself to drive away.”

His silence then felt permanent. He waited as I sat there, absorbing every impossible thing he’d just told me. There was no more emotion in me, though, no horror, no disgust, no gratitude. I was blank.

  
“You are a monster,” I said, feeling him flinch. I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t look away from my mac and cheese. “You’re a vampire. You’re this huge, powerful thing that isn’t limited by… anything. Except, I guess, boredom. But still. You’re the thing I’ve heard people tell stories about to scare me. You could do anything you wanted…

“But I’m still grateful to you.” I realized that was true. “I still feel drawn to you, too. Even though you want to kill me more than you want to kill others. You still want to save me more than you want to save others, too.”

  
I thought, suddenly, of a world where there were no people in it, just beautiful creatures with strength. A kind of post-apocalyptic world without even human stragglers clinging to hope in shelters and abandoned cities. Just beautiful creatures… nature would come back to claim the earth. The animals would thrive, species would thrive. There would only be left in it beautiful predators with minds capable of unlimited knowledge to devout themselves to unlimited amounts of things. They could probably build rockets to take them further out into the galaxy to look at other planets, other life with blood in their veins and not nearly as much strength…

  
It was a weirdly beautiful thought.

“Do I scare you, Bell?” He asked, voice soft and harsh at the same time.

“You terrify me.” My mac-and-cheese was cold and flavorless. I took another bite out of it anyway, needing something in my stomach, which had become a black pit. “But more than just because you could kill me easily. Death isn’t that scary compared to other things.”

“Like?”

“Like a man who can fuck your entire world up, one easy step at a time. Like a man who could hold your heart in the palm of his hands and then discard it when the curiosity is over and he feels living giving up on keeping you safe.”

“I told you—” He hissed.

“I don’t care.” I looked over at him, taking another bite. “What if you figured me out? What if somehow you could read my mind? How long would it take you for you to be done struggling against your nature?”

“What would happen if I wasn’t beautiful to you?” He challenged. “Would you be running from me, screaming?”

“I’ve asked myself that before. I don’t know.”

“And I will never know your mind.”

I nodded. I finished my mac and cheese in silence.

“I should take you home.” He said, standing. We walked to the Volvo in front of the Italian restaurant in silence. I looked up at it, remembering the humiliation, remembering the strange echo of what had happened to me in the alley displayed like a kind of shock-and-awe sideshow. I shivered.

  
“What was he thinking, the man?”

Isaiah looked over at me. We were careful not to touch. The distance was more than physical, though. The happy, easy way between us was gone. The flirting was gone. I was in his trust, now. I was his Sidekick, I knew all his secrets, or at least the ones prudent enough for a century-year-old vampire to tell me. Somehow the idea had lost its appeal.

“He was thinking about how hot you were,” He said, voice tight, his eyes disgusted. “He was thinking about how cute you would be naked and sprawled in front of him, how hot your tattoo was and how he couldn’t see the shape of your tits. It excited him. He likes teenage girls."

“And the man… from the alley?” As he’d told his story he’d talked specifically about one mind above all the others.

Isaiah’s face turned murderous again, his voice more than just tight as he snarled out, “He was thinking about ripping away all your clothes and stabbing you in the leg so you wouldn’t be able to run away. He was going to hit you every time you screamed and jerk himself off as he watched his—”

“Stop.”

Isaiah stopped.

“Will you answer anything I ask?”

“Yes. Choose carefully what you ask.” He looked over at me, then away. We were almost to the Volvo now.

“Have you ever thought about me, like that?” I asked once we got to the car. I ducked inside before he could answer, needing the comfort of an enclosed space. He had to jerk the door away from the frame—it really had been crushed together—but was inside and slamming it closed again without any trouble. He didn’t start the car on right away but just stared ahead.

“I have.” He said. “More than I should.”

“What did you think?” I wanted to know—I don’t know why I wanted to know. Maybe as spank-bank material before a final goodbye… I couldn’t tell.

I was more than sure from what he had said that if I asked him to leave my life he would. But there would always be that nagging fear, that paranoia that eyes were on me, watching me from a distance, taking stalk in my life. _I never change… and you’ve changed me,_ he had said. Even running away, he’d thought of me. So what would stop him from sneaking in, being an unobtrusive observer of my entire life?

His hissed, placing his forehead against the steering wheel in a very controlled and stiff movement. He kept his head bowed as he talked. “I wish you wouldn’t ask me that. I really wish…” He sighed.

“I’ve thought about pulling you close and wrapping my hand in your hair and kissing you. I’ve thought about running my teeth along your neck, the inside of your thighs. I’ve thought about what you would look like when I slam into you and watch you moan. I had thought about pulling out instead of coming inside you, one time, about jizzing on your back and spreading it on your body to mark your scent and then taking my wet fingers and having you lick them off as you tell me who…” He shuddered. “Who you belonged to.” His voice was getting rougher and rougher, deeper and deeper. I shifted in my seat.

“I’ve thought about eating you out till you cried and about your mouth around my cock. I’ve thought about holding you very tightly as you slept and burying my face into your hair and breathing the scent from the back of your neck. I’ve thought about licking away your tears and I’ve thought about kissing you to see if it would stop you from being angry with me. I’ve thought about dancing with you and about holding your hand and about coming home every day to your infuriatingly painful smell. I’ve thought about what you would look like sitting across from me naked and unselfconscious and laughing and… and everything. I’ve thought about everything. I think very fast, Bell.”

“Oh.”

“Oh.” He mocked, sitting up fully in one of his not-movements. “Yeah.” He started the car and pulled away without looking. With speed, we found ourselves on the highway. “Is it my turn now?”


	3. The Space Between Thoughts

“You didn’t answer some of my previous questions.” I reminded him, having to clear my throat to take away the rasp in it. “And I have a few more.”

He sighed, but his lips tugged up a bit.

“Can you tell when I’m on my period?”

Isaiah was very still for a second before he was going off on one of his roaring laughs. The sound of it pulled a smile to my lips that quickly disappeared as exhaustion took over. “Yes. You’ve finished yours 10 days ago.” He said, grinning. “It lasted four days but you spotted on the fifth so I don’t really count that.”

“And is that… distracting?” I asked. I’d only heard girls and doctors talks about periods so easily.

He nodded, suddenly serious again. “Yes. Of course it is. Open blood is always distracting. Thankfully you wear tampons so it’s bearable. And period blood smells a little different. It…” He tailed off.

“Go ahead.”

“It has different hormones in it. It burns my throat, of course, and makes me thirsty. But it also makes me incredibly horny—the smell—and… it’s easier to distract myself with that than to focus on the thirst.”

“You get horny over periods.” I said, smirking.

He shot me a look. My smirk died. “Yes. Yes I fucking do.” He looked away quickly, his emotions changing again.

“What did you just think?”

“I thought about your legs spread wide open by my hands so you can’t clamp down when I eat you out for hours just to taste your blood. Then I thought about entering you after you’ve come about four or five times and watching you buckle and scream and try to claw at me while your pussy pulls me closer.”

“You’re really graphic,” I tell him honestly, feeling my blush rise.

“I can smell when you're horny. I can hear your heartbeat too, when it flutters and beats fast. I can hear your breathing. I can tell when you lie. I can notice the subtle differences in your emotional state. I also am very, very aware of your face.” He peaked over. “It’s the only thing that gives me insight to your thoughts. The body’s reactions can be fickle and mean different things.”

“Fuck.” It was a lot. It was a fucking lot.

“Yeah. My turn?” He asked, sounding a bit eager.

“No. You never told me about the mind reading thing.”

“I’m the only one I know who can do it.” He said, remembering my questions effortlessly. “I can’t hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close and the more familiar I am with them the longer that distance can be. No more than a few miles, though, and that’s for people I’ve known a very, very long time.” He paused. “It’s a little like being in a huge hall filled with people talking at once. It’s just an annoying hum most of the time, a buzzing that I can’t ever get away from unless I’m completely alone for miles. If I want I can focus on one mind like you would a voice and then the thinking is clear. Most of the time I tune it out. It can be distracting and humans all have the same thoughts and patterns and it muddles into some pretty redundant bullshit after you get used to it.”

“So… if you read my mind you would be bored with it.”

He shrugged. “Who knows? I haven’t read your mind. Your reactions surprise me though, so I don’t think that you think quite the same as the usual. There are few who are like that in the world, the special people. They can be creative geniuses or scholars or they can just be fucking bus drivers. I haven’t seen a common denominator in them. But their minds are intriguing to me and I believe that yours is one of them. I can’t ever get a fix on what you’ll do.” He looked over, eyes glowing a bit. “It’s wonderful.” Suddenly his face became hard. “Now it’s my turn.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Before I ask I need honesty, Bell. I can’t hear your thoughts but I _can_ tell if your lying it will really, really piss me the fuck off if you do. Especially because I wouldn’t be able to tell what the truth is. I have been open—I ask the same of you.”

“Done.”

His fierce expression turned coy and mischievous. He peeked over at me. “Have you ever thought about me sexually?”

I groaned. “Obviously, bastard.”

“Tell me.” He crooned.

“I thought about you kissing me. And… and biting my breast.” I put my cheeks to my face, feeling their heat. His dark chuckle spurned me on. “I thought about riding you. I knew by then that you were, like, made of fucking stone and impossible to move so I thought about how you would need to restrain yourself by holding your arms up and just letting me do what I wanted…and I thought about…” My eyes flashed to the dream.

“What?” He asked, looking over at me. “You’re scared suddenly. What?”

“I had this dream. It started off as a nightmare… but then it turned sexual.” I peeked over at him. “Does that count?”

“I want to hear it.”

“I… was lost in the woods. Then a childhood friend of mine, Jacob, he was there and he was telling me to run and he disappeared and a wolf came up in his place. And then you were there and you looked all stereotypically vampire and shit with fangs…” I looked over at him. “Do you have fangs? Do they like, pop down or something?”

“You don’t need fangs when your teeth can rip through anything.” He hissed. “Keep going.”

“Well, you motioned me over like you did that one day, at the cafeteria when you were sitting all alone.” I made the motion with my finger. “And then all of a sudden I was just really, really horny. I was on my hands and knees because I’d fallen and you were watching me and laughing at me as I tried to get myself off… I woke up and ended up masturbating.”

“I know.” His voice was dark and thundering.

“What?” I looked at him, horrified. “No way you know that—”

“Your window was open that night, do you remember that?” He asked, his face tight. “I watched you close it when you were done finger fucking yourself.”

I opened my mouth. I closed it. “What?” I hissed.

“I… like to go into your room at night.” He admitted. The steering wheel made a weird sound and he released it casually, showing the indents where he’d pressed in a little too hard. A casual reminder of his strength and a bit of a threat, too. This dangerous monster who invaded my room to watch me sleep could crush a steering wheel without any effort.

“At first it was just to get myself used to your scent and then I just liked how you looked sleeping and then I just found your room very comfortable. You talk in your sleep, it’s endearing. Sometimes you say my name.” His smile was blinding and did nothing for my furious horror. “I go in when you’re asleep and I read some of your books. I find it very hard to see you at lunch if I don’t, almost like I’d forgotten how good you smelled.”

“I… fuck you are such a _creep_!” I screamed, hurting my throat again. I clutched my head. There was no stopping a thing like him. No justice system. My own father was a fucking Sheriff and there was no way I could bring him into it to save me from this.

“I know.” He said, unrepentant. “But _again_ it is your turn.” He shot me an angry look as if I was somehow in the wrong. “How did you know I was a vampire?” He demanded suddenly.

“You—you can’t just violate privacy like that!”

“There is no privacy with me.” He hissed out. “Understand that, Bell. There is _none._ With other people, more so. I can tell what you’re feeling, I can tell you just bit the inside of your cheek for fucks sake. Get over it or don’t, it’s a thing. And you can’t begin to understand what it is like for me to just… not know something. It drove me crazy. So I found your house and I peaked in through your window. When I heard you talking in your sleep the opportunity was too good to pass up. It doesn’t tell me much, by the way. I mainly just sit in there to read and make sure that in the morning I don’t lunge across the damn biology table and bite you. And it’s only a little sexual for me, I don’t do unconscious girls.”

“Oh, well, _that’s fine_ then. Just come into my fucking room to—”

“Who says it’s so wrong? Your morality is not the same as mine. Fuck, if you’d lived as long as I did—”

“Oh right, age excuses you.” I hissed.

“I was hurting nobody!” He roared, so loud that I flinched back from him. “I was avidly trying _not_ to hurt you.”

“For how long?” I demanded. There were tears in my eyes again, frustration boiling its way through the horror and apathy. “How long?”

“After Mike and Eric and Tyler asked you to the dance. When I started talking to you again.” Not too long—about three or four days—but still _too long_.

“And if I told you to fuck off?” I hissed, a real worry slamming into my chest. “If you dropped me off at my home and I asked to never see you again, ever, would you? Or would you come crawling into my window and stalking everyone I know just to _observe_ me. If I asked you to leave my life would I have to worry about constantly looking over my shoulder, wondering if you're there?”

He was very still. His wasn’t breathing, I realized, though it didn’t seem to bother him any. His face was expressionless and there was horror in his eyes as he thought of something. “I want to say I’d leave you alone. Never come near you again… but… I…I don’t know. You’ve invaded me, Bell. You’ve altered the very course or my being. I… don’t…” He didn’t even try not to crunch the steering wheel this time. “I get how this sounds, I really fucking do.” He shot me a look, at once furious at me for my reaction and a little helpless in the face of it. “How did you know I was a vampire?”

Heart being fast, I grabbed at my hair and tried to fix the knots in it just for something to do. “I was told a story about strange and cold people who came into the area centuries ago and said that they were a different kind of vampire, ones that didn’t drink human blood. Those creatures were you.”

Isaiah snarled. “One of the damn ‘wolves talked, didn’t they?”

“That’s true too?” I asked, shocked. “Werewolves?”

He shook his head. “They broke the treaty.”

“No! He’s not involved at all—he thought it was a stupid superstition. One guy said that your family wasn’t allowed in the district and I wanted to know so I goaded him into talking. He thought it was just some dumb fucking story. He talked about it like he didn’t believe it himself. No one would... unless-”

“Unless they’d met me?” He asked, his eyes bright. “Unless they felt my skin? Saw my gaze? What? You think somehow that’s okay? That’s a danger to me, Bell. That’s a danger to my family. Even if they’re spreading stories _they_ don’t think is true doesn’t mean that someone—like you—will.”

“Isaiah Cullen don’t you dare hurt them!” I shouted. My raw throat burned from the sound. “Don’t you fucking dare!” The idea of Jacob hurt… of seeing his family or his friend hurt. It made me furious.

“Or what?” He asked, his voice chillingly low in comparison. “What will you do, Bell? What can you do? I’m the superior species.”

“I will spend the last moments of my life telling people about vampires. I will scream it to the ends of the earth. Even if people don’t believe me—some will, right? The ones who have seen a vampire? And it’ll spread, slow and silent, like fucking wildfire, and then all of a sudden the vampires that don’t care will get a little carried away and the tales will grow more and more.” I tried to put all my conviction into my voice. “So you either kill me before you hurt any of the Tribesmen or you face the fucking consequences of me trying to destroy your anonymity.”

He was tense for a second before he wasn’t. He nodded. “Okay.” He said, easy as that. I frowned at him, the tension still in my body, wondering what the fuck had just gone on in his head. “I won’t hurt them. Or tell my family.” He promised. “I’ll just tell them you figured it or I told you, either way, your ‘wolves will be safe.”

“Okay.” I sat a little straighter, still feeling the anger burning in my chest. “So… how can you come out in the daytime?”

He laughed. “Myth.”

“No sun burning?”

“Nope.” He gave me his mischievous smile.

“Do you sleep in coffins or like, need grave dirt?”

“Myth.” He paused for just a second and then a strange tone entered his voice that I’d never heard before and couldn’t guess at. I was getting good at guessing what was going on when he paused, though. I don’t think I could ever wrap my head about how quick he thought but I could almost see the wheels turning. “I can’t sleep.” He said.

“Ever?”

“No. It’s a personal belief of mine that sleeping is made to rejuvenate the body and fix what is emotionally hurtful. Dreaming, I believe, is the minds way of stripping emotions from memories via symbols and sorting through it. Because my mind works that way it does… there’s really no reason to do that, either.” He smiled a soft, pleased smile. “Sometimes though I can slip in a trance-like like state, it’s peaceful. I can still hear thoughts, still feel the thirst, still sense everything around me but it’s far away and unimportant like this distant cloud. My mind shuts down then, turns slow as if the space between thoughts and words became infinite and expansive.”

“That sounds like some really deep meditation.”

“I like meditation. It’s peaceful.” He said, looking a little close to bliss.

For some reason, that synched it. Out of all the horrors and wonders and frustrations and tensions I’d felt tonight, that really synched it for me. I would not run away from this strange monster-imitation of a man. I would not demand he go away. He was terrifying and he was enigmatic and he was deadly, yes, and he was fascinating and he was beautiful and he made my heart go wild… there was no comparison for what and who he was. He was original, a completely new concept that, for whatever reason, found me as irritably compelling too.

But we had something in common. I was eager to figure out if we had more in common. And hating myself for it.

“Will you be at school tomorrow?” I asked, noticing that we were within Hell’s limits now.

“Ah… is it okay with you if I am?” He asked. “I _will_ try, Bell. I will try to disappear from your life if this becomes too much. I promise to not even stalk you.” He gave an impish smile that was his horrible awful attempt at keeping things light. His eyes, though, were dead.

“No. It’s okay. I’d… really like to see you tomorrow.”

He nodded, some tension I hadn’t noticed in his body falling away. “Yeah. I’d like that too.”

“Just promise me one thing.” I said. “And this is a trust building exercise here.” I pointed a finger at him as we slipped down a familiar neighborhood road. “Do not watch me sleep tonight. Do not go into my room at all.”

He frowned. “That will make tomorrow hard.”

“Izzy.” He looked over as we parked behind my tuck. “For real. I need to trust that you can respect boundaries that I place.”

He was still for a second before nodding tightly. “Okay. Okay, I will.” He looked away, then back at me. “Then I have a special request. This… desire for your blood—it’s insatiable. It’s also very hard not to focus on. Can you make a small allowance for me?”

“What?” I asked, frowning at him.

“Let me… let me smell your neck for a second. And when I see you tomorrow let me just… stand in your room without you in it. I need to be used to your smell before I actually smell  _you_. I’ll let you know if it’s getting hard and please, please irritate the shit out of me when I do. It helps. A lot.”

I snorted, at once pleased and disgusted. “Anytime, buddy-boy. Any time.” I looked out the window and out into my familiar front yard. “Say… oh ‘snickerdoodles’, then I’ll know to be annoying.”

He laughed. “Okay… can I…?” He looked down at my neck.

I lifted my chin up, angling my head so my hair fell to the back and my neck was exposed in a long column. I watched his gaze darken, his pupils blowing out wide as he just stared. He wasn’t breathing again. “Bell?” He asked, voice tight.

“Hmmm?”

“Snickerdoodles.”

“I bet the reason why you’re so arrogant is because you have a small cock and you’re stuck with it for all eternity.”

His gaze jerked upward, his eyes narrowing as his mouth curved. “Oh, Star, if you could feel how hard I am right now you would not be fucking saying that.” He smiled at me like an innocent fucking angel and leaned in very close, still not breathing. I felt a cold whoosh of air as he exhaled on my neck. His nose was close enough to almost touch. “Be very still.” He said, and then he made a motion to inhale. It was the smallest of things but had him hissing like a snake, his body freezing in a kind of tension that I watched, fascinated.

A single misstep. The slightest lack of control. I’d be dead.

I watched slowly as he repeated his process over and over again. He’d exhale all his air and then inhale a little more each time, freezing and repeating. It lasted well over a good half hour and my neck was starting to crick by the time he was taking in massive inhales. It was actually a little funny. I’d never had a dude hovering over me just smelling me. “You sure _your_ not part dog? All this fucking sniffing.”

“Shut up.” He hissed.

“You fucking shut up!” I yelled, turning. It was the wrong thing to do. Apparently his ‘shut up’ had been a warning because the second I moved to turn and look at him he was on me. Cold hands grabbed my jaw, jerking my head back in a sharp sting that had tears in my eyes and his other hand was fisted into my air. His mouth—cold and wet and a lot like snow—was on me. I shivered, unable to help my moan as a long and cold tongue ran up my skin and made every pore in my body flare open and wide.

“Mmmmm….” His sound was terrifying. I felt my heart race and felt his lips curving into a smile as teeth gently ran down where the tongue had licked. His teeth felt very hard.

In seconds the hands and teeth were gone and he was sitting in his seat like a polite gentleman, staring at me with his mask on. “Please, get the fuck out.” He said, not breathing.

I looked at him, my heart still hammering away in my chest. I saw the look in his eyes—that ‘you’re a fucking bug to kill’—look that told me he was hungry and barely human. I grabbed the door handle and left without a goodbye. In seconds his car was peeling dangerously out of the way, the door hardly even shut. “Well,” I said, watching his care disappear at an alarming rate. “This is the most fucked up and abusive relationship I’ve ever been in.” My neck still hurt but more than that I knew, _knew_ , that he was about two seconds away from killing me.

But I also knew he’d regret it afterwards. I’d haunt his ass just to make sure.

It was past midnight and Charlie was asleep. I unlocked the deadbolt and entered into the darkness of the house, making sure the write a note to Charlie that I was fine and had a great time with the girls before heading up the stairs. I texted Jessica that I was fine and needed to crash before putting my phone on the charger and looking around my room for anything that would alert me if the damn window opened. It didn’t really matter what it was, though, I was pretty sure I’d know if he came in by his reaction to me alone. I decided to use a paperclip and a rubber band. It would snap the second the window opened an inch.

Then I was grabbing my damn vibrator and turning off the lights. I barely even touched myself before flashing images of men holding me down and twisting my nipple stilled me. Disgusted, I flung the vibrator over the bed and hugged my pillow, holding myself and it as I felt phantom hands come and grab me. As I felt voices whisper to me that they’d make it good. That they just wanted my lips around their cock. That they’d stab me if I tried to leave.

I shook. Though I was tired, exhausted beyond any recognition and any doubt… I couldn’t close my eyes. I couldn’t. There were shadows everywhere with phantom men and leering gazes that were golden and deadly.

Trauma, I realized, does not leave just because you distract yourself. And though I knew I could get past this particular trauma with enough time and strength… could I get past Isaiah Cullen?


	4. There Is No Heart Without A Little Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another little change: Phil is in a band and not a baseball player because I think is a band is a lot cooler
> 
> I also thought it was really messed up how Bella kind of just... drops everything for this one single relationship. The books barely mention Renee after the first chapter--or when Bella breaks her leg. And her friendships all fall to the side. Cus this is a sex fic I won't add a lot of other relationships and I'm skipping all the boring parts, but, cmon, people gotta have a life outside of their significant other.

In the morning I took special care with my prep, talking to my mom for a solid hour as my face mask settled. Charlie had left early for work and I was alone in the house with a mask on when I heard the doorbell ring. Confused, I said, “Hold on, Mom, someone’s at the door, give me a sec.”

“Fine fine.” She sighed, cut off from explain the concert Phil and his band had just finished in Denver.

I rushed down the stairs and opened it, “Oh, Isaiah, what--?” He was standing there, face blank, not breathing again. I looked up and down his body, noting the tension. Oh yeah, he hadn’t gone into my room last night. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Isaiah?” I heard my mom calling, her voice going through the air as I held the phone down. “Oohhh—”

He just pointed up to my room, apparently not having the breath or the patience to speak. I stood aside and watched as he rushed up the steps. “Hey, Mom,” I said, my phone back to my face.

“The bastard-boy is at your house? What is he doing there?” She asked, sounding excited. “Is he in love with you yet? Are you going to go on a date? Ooohh—tell me how the sex is!”

I laughed at her excitement. “No, I think he just wants to give me a ride to school, that’s all.”

“I bet he’s feeling all possessive and territorial after saving you last night.” I’d told her about my run-in with the rapists and Isaiah saving me but not how far it had gotten before he’d saved me. She’d been tense and freaking out for a while now but I was glad to hear her joke about it. It gave some much needed normalcy to the whole thing. Even if she had demanded I go to a therapy session.

Smiling, I moved into the kitchen as she seamlessly talked about Phil’s show. Apparently, the base-guitarist had been acting a fool and had gotten drunk before the show started, nearly ruining the entire concert. She bitched about him for ten minutes before I told her I had to go for school. “All right baby-cakes, you call me.”

“Will do.”

“I loooove you.”

I laughed. “I love you, too.” I hung up and walked upstairs. I stood outside my open door, watching Isaiah standing in the small space where there was floor and just… breathing in and out. When I opened my mouth to speak he lifted up a finger, effectively telling me to shut my face again. I huffed, giving him my own finger before finishing my facial routine in the bathroom. By the time I was done he was sitting in the rocking chair and was reading _The Blade Itself_ , almost a quarter way through. “So, which books of mine have you read?” I asked, going over to my closet and rifling through it.

“Hmmm… I’ve read most of your Sanderson books already, I just finished your Red Rising series. You really like fantasy books.”

“It’s almost all I read.” I agreed, digging out a halter top. I discarded it, throwing it into a drawer. “Especially Sanderson—his writing is beautiful.”

“You ever read the Wheel of Time?”

“Haven’t gotten to it yet.” I found a floral romper I liked. I dug into my closet for a wool cardigan to take away the chill. With it in hand, I turned to watch his eyes moving on the pages of the book. He read incredibly fast, finishing a page in half a minute, his golden eyes moving right to left.

“It’s good. I’ll lend you a copy.” He said, his eyes still moving.

I huffed. “So, your good, then?”

“I won’t attack you, if that’s what you’re asking.” He flipped a page. “And I’m sorry about last night. I hope I didn’t hurt your neck.”

I walked away to the bathroom so I could change without answering him. As I shut the door I realized how… surreal this was, having him in my room. Talking to him about normal things like books. Talking to him without arguing or feeling my world crash around me. It was weird and sort of wonderful. I walked back into my bedroom as he quickly shut the book and put it on top of one of the many piles I had laying around. “Ready?”

I shook my head. “Breakfast first.” He followed me down the steps and sat in my usual seat—there were only two at the kitchen table—while I grabbed cereal. “So,” I said, munching and leaning against the kitchen cabinets. “What did you do last night now that you can’t watch me sleep like a fucking creep.”

His face had been peaceful—he’d been looking out the window into the backyard—but I watched one of the fascinating changes of his mood snap him into irritation. He gave me a glare. “I talked to my family. Told them what was going on. Gave Rose her earrings—she told me fuck off because she’s still salty about the Audi I crashed. Then she really got into me about the Volvo door. I played some music for Esme and some chess with Alice. Jasper and I did a little light hunting.” He shrugged. “Typical night.” His face changed again, peering at me with concern. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Not much.” I said, dipping the bowl to drink in all the milk before answering him fully. I put my back to him as I said, “I had these horrible thoughts, not really nightmares… I wasn’t dreaming but it still felt too real. I ended up listening to some music before caving and calling my mother. I’ve been on the phone with her for the past three or four hours.”

“You two talk a lot.” He said.

“We do.” I looked over my shoulder as I washed my bowl and spoon. “We’re really close.”

He nodded, his face thoughtful again. “The nightmares will go away, in time.”

“I figured as much.” I turned fully to him and smiled sheepishly. “So.”

“So.” He finished.

The awkwardness was palpable. “So—school.” I said cheerfully. “Let me go grab my things.” I put on flats and grabbed my purse. Once I got back downstairs he was waiting by the door, keys in hand. “Are you driving you're fucked up Volvo today?”

“No, we scrapped it. I have my Prius, though.” He walked out the door and I followed as I locked up. He nodding to the four-door light green car waiting in Charlie’s usual spot in the driveway. “It’s technically Carlisle’s but he said he wanted to run to work today, anyway.” He shrugged. “Come on, get in.”

We were silent on the way to school and he let me fiddle with his radio, not commenting on my station hopping or how I dug through the CDs in the glove box. Carlisle had very electric tastes; he had church choir music mixed in with hair metal and 90’s R and B. I laughed as I saw the EDM one. “Infected Mushroom, really?”

“He’s seen them a few times.” He said, smiling at my wrinkled nose. “They’re very good—have you heard them?”

“A little here and there. I had an ex who loved them, too.”

He nodded. “So… have you dated a lot?” He scowled at my laughter. “It’s a simple question.” He said, obviously annoyed.

“Oh, I’m sure.” I teased. “What about you? You’re a fuck of a lot older than I am, I bet you’ve dated lots.”

He nodded. “I’ve dated, yeah. Been married about twice—don’t give me that look.”

“Were they all…”

“Vampires?” He asked, pulling into the school parking lot. “Yeah. I’ve met some who can be with humans but they’re all fucking masochists and we’ve never gotten along.” He pulled next to a bright and beautiful red convertible with its hood up—probably what the rest of the Cullen’s had come in. They were the only family in town that would have a special sports car like that. “I guess I should call one of them up, see how they dealt with it all.”

“I hope they tease you mercilessly,” I said, cheerful.

“Oh, I’m sure they will.”

“Sooo—married,” I said. We had plenty of time before school started and I didn’t want to exit the car. “Who, what, when, where, why, for how long?” I asked.

He laughed, smiling at me with his bad boy smile as he shut off the car. “You first. Boyfriends.”

“I’ve dated since I was twelve. My first boyfriend was one of my mom’s friend’s son and it lasted all of two minutes. He liked to talk about math.” I shrugged. “It got more and more serious as I got older. My longest boyfriend was about… what, three months long? Daniel. My mom told me I’d grow to hate his laziness and I did. We had fun before that, though. He taught me how to ride a skateboard.”

“Hu.” Isaiah crossed his arms. “Virginity?”

“Sixteen. I think his name was Shawn. It was in the back of a car in a parking lot outside of an old person’s home.” I laughed. “Kind of ironic. Maybe I have a thing for old people.” I teased.

His gaze was intense. “Then you’re going to love me.”

“Well? Marriages?” I demanded.

He sighed. “My first marriage lasted about 50 years.” I gasped and his voice hurried on, rushing the words a bit. “Her name was Delia, she was a Scot who is part of this Italian coven called the Volturi—anyway, she came to my family for this group she is associated with and decided to stay a while, curious about our… alternative lifestyles. It ended when she decided to go back to drinking humans.” He shrugged. “Haven’t seen much of her since. I think she's back with the Volturi.”

“Oh.” The range was baffling.

“My second marriage is—was—different. Vampires don’t really get married legally unless there’s a reason for it like domestication. Rose and Emmet get married to each other once every century just so they can have their honeymoon all over again, but most do it because they need to blend in a city or with human lives. My marriage with Delia was for that reason, we were living in Scotland at the time and needed cover. But my marriage with Tanya was… we got married off and on for about two hundred years then decided neither one of us wanted to go through the hassle of changing our fabricated records again—or even having legal ID—so we ignored the impulse and lived out in the Alaskan wilderness for another two hundred years or so. She’s part of the Denali clan, Irina made most of them and met Carlisle when I was very young. They’re stably vegetarian, too.”

“Vegetarian?” I asked, confused.

He flashed a sharp smile. “That’s what we call ourselves.”

I couldn’t laugh. “Why break up?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “We were bored and done, the relationship kind of sizzled off into nothing. It’s actually fairly unusual with my kind—to do the whole ‘dating’ thing. We usually have someone and keep them. Like Rose and Emmet, as soon as we brought Emmet home and he got over his initial thirst they fucked like rabbits and have been together forever. Same with Carlisle and Esme, once they found each other they’ve never strayed or taken time apart.”

“And Alice and Jasper?” I asked.

“Oh, they came to us as a couple and leave each other pretty often to do one thing or another. I don’t think they stray, though, they're too devoted for that. You’ll find, I suppose, that everything that has to do with Alice is a little strange.” He smiled a bit, eyes off in the distance. They snapped back into attention. “Tell me why you're sad.”

“I don’t know. It’s weird to imagine that you’ve… done so much, been so much. A marriage for centuries…and then you just decided to end it?” I looked at him, hopeless.

Isaiah looked frustrated as he tried to explain. “It’s… hard. Tanya is a bright, optimistic, fun person. I think that’s the only reason why we managed for so long. But eventually, at least with me, my time spent with her got dull. I started answering her thoughts, doing things she was just idly thinking about. It got predictable and the sex was getting to become routine. After a while she thought ‘ _I’m bored_ ’ and I just told her I was leaving. Neither one of us was sad to see me go back to Carlisle here in the States. We still talk and every few decades or so I’ll go up to see if she wants company for a night or two but…”

“She was the one you went to see when you left. After meeting me.” He nodded. “How did that… go?”

“She and her family took me in for a while. We hunted—I had penguin again—” His face told me all I needed to know about drinking penguin blood—“and it was fun for a while, I guess. But my attitude depressed her and she kicked my ass out when I finally told her why I’d run away.” He laughed. “She thought I was stupid for running away from you. Told me to just kill you already so I could go back to my life.”

“What?” I squeaked.

“She and her sisters have strayed from the lifestyle. They actually started those succubus tales back in the middle ages.” His eyes were laughing, his mouth not. “Anyway, it was the consensus from almost everybody but Carlisle and Alice that I should just kill you. Emmet in particular. He’d come across his own version of you, years and years ago. Someone whose blood was stronger than everybody else’s.” His eyes were distant, sad. “He’d been walking across a lane while she was doing laundry in a river and he’d smelled her. Didn’t even hesitate. Said that he’d never had such a fine meal before in his entire life.” His gaze snapped back to me. “He said I should just lure you away, make you look like a missing person, and enjoy a once in a lifetime taste.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” I breathed.

“Me, too, Star. Me too.”

I frowned at him. “Why do you call me that?”

Happy again, he smiled a soft, devious smile. “Because being attached to you, feeling things for you, is like being dragged by a shooting star by my ankles.”

“Hu.” I felt my irritation come back to me as I opened the door, ready to be outside. “So glad my presence is such a pleasant experience for you.”

“It may not be all that pleasant,” He said, watching me leave the car, “But it sure is one hell of a ride.” I slammed the car door.

He was by my side rather quickly. I noticed—for the first time—that he didn’t have any kind of books or pencils. “How many times have you gone through high school anyway? Why even _be_ in high school?” I asked, walking with him towards the school.

“Too many fucking times.” He said. “Mandatory education is a relatively new system, as far as I’m concerned. It used to be a privilege only the rich and white got. Or those willing to go to the Middle East for proper schooling, if you want to go way back. But I’ve found that in the limited time frame, mandatory education has become the most boring part of my life. All you hormonal fucking teenagers being stuck in the same space for hours on a day really grates on my patience.” He jerked his head forward and I looked to see Jessica standing under an overhang, eyes wide and watching us. “But it lets us stay in a place for longer.”

I couldn’t answer because we were getting closer. I looked back to Jessica, watching her watch us. “Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Good morning Jessica.” Isaiah said politely. His mask was back on, one I realized masked his boredom and thoughts. Maybe he thought it helped him ‘blend in’. It really didn’t.

“Er… hi.” She shifted her wide eyes to me. I could see her trying to gather her jumbled thoughts at his stare, his face. “I guess I’ll see you in Trig.” She gave me a meaningful look and rushed away like she was running from something.

“So,” Isaiah said, watching her go. “What will you tell her?” At my confused stare, he smiled. “She’s going to ambush you in class about us.”

I groaned, crossing my arms over my stomach. “What does she want to know? What do I even tell her about… us?” I motioned between us with my chin.

“Hmmm… that hardly seems fair.” He teased.

“You not sharing what you know, that’s not fucking fair.” I hissed.

He started walking again and I followed him. We were at the door of my first class before he spoke again. “She wants to know if we’re dating and she wants to know how you feel about me.” He said, coming to a halt. He leaned against the brick, watching me.

“What the fuck should I say?” I asked, watching people go into class. I felt weirdly distant from them today, like I wasn’t part of them. I guess talking about life in terms of centuries could do that to a person.

“Hmmm…” He reached forward, grabbing my attention again. He took a strand of hair that had escaped my bun and tucked it behind my ear, his cold fingers on the shell making me shiver. It was the first time we’d really touched since he’d revealed everything to me—what he’d done to my neck didn’t count—and I’d forgotten how good it felt, being close to him like this. His grin was knowing, deliberate. “I think you should say yes to us dating. It’s the easiest explanation I can think of, since I’m going to be around you a lot from now on.”

“Scared I’ll spill the beans?” I asked, pouting up at him.

His cold palm pressed against my cheek. It temperature and texture was no longer the shocking thing it once was. “No, I trust you. I just want to be around you as much as I possibly can.” His simple honesty was gut-wrenching. I felt my stomach roll. “Since you won’t let me be around you as much as I _can_ be, now that I’m banned from your room at night, I’ll take all your free time instead. As for the second question… well…” He released my cheek. “I’m eagerly awaiting the answer to that myself.” He winked, then walked off.

“Bastard!” I called, not really feeling it as I grinned at his retreating form.

He turned and blew a kiss over his shoulder. “I’ll see you at lunch, Star.” He called.

\---

I was half surprised and half not surprised to see Isaiah standing outside of the classroom in the rain, leaning against the wall. Jessica gave him a once-over and me an eyebrow jump before she left us. “See you later, Beellll,” She teased, walking off to lunch.

“So, what are my eyebrows saying right now?” He asked.

“Irritated. Your mouth and eyes are saying amused, though. And hello, so good to see you Isaiah. How was your morning? Mine went swimmingly.”

He snorted, leaning off the wall. With his hand coming out to the small of my back he escorted me to the cafeteria. “Cute.” He muttered. A lot of people stared as we made our way to the line. We didn’t say anything until I had my food and he was leading me to the same table we’d shared a few days ago.

He set his tray down in front of him and I noticed there wasn’t any of the pepperoni pizza or chicken fingers on his tray. He pushed it a little towards me, “Take whatever you want.” He offered.

“I’m curious,” I said, grabbing the salad on his plate and putting the vinaigrette on it.

“When are you not?” He asked, putting his chin on his fist.

“Would you eat people food if someone dared you to?”

His eyes tightened and glanced off to the side—to his family. They were all sitting together at the usual table, their uneaten trays in front of them. None of they were looking our way and in an instant, he was back to look at me, irritation on his face. He grabbed the salad from my hands and took a ferocious bite. He chewed like he was angry with it for daring to be in his mouth and swallowed. “If someone dared you to eat dirt, would you?” He asked, at once pleased and smiling.

“I did it once,” I said, nodding. “Made mud pies and tried to convince a friend in the sandbox it was real food. They made me eat it to try it out and I didn’t spit it back up until they’d taken a huge mouthful.” I laughed. “It was awful.”

“I’m not surprised.” He sighed. And then his eyes lifted and his face turned quizzical. “Jessica is analyzing everything I’m doing, by the by. She’ll break it down for you later. Apparently, you have no romantic sense, she thought your conversation about last night was lacking.”

“Hard to talk about everything when you can’t talk about everything.” I shrugged, grabbing the salad again, eating it.

“The secret still a heavy weight on you?” He asked.

“Yes.” I nodded. “But it’s fine, I suppose. I just wish I could tell my mother more than anything.”

He looked at me, sad. “I know.” He leaned forward, his rough and deep voice lowering as he gazed at me through his lashes. “So, you really haven’t noticed how beautiful I am lately?” He gave a sultry little pout. “I tried really hard to look pretty for you today.”

“I’m sure you did.” I laughed. I leaned forward as I ate. “But no, I haven’t really. Your looks are a little diminished compared to the force of your personality.”

“Mmmm… I bet. After all, talking to me really makes the blood pump, eh?” He winked.

“Har har, point taken, Iz. You were listening in on my conversations, I get it, you’re a hopeless stalker.”

“Which brings me to my next point.” He said, reaching up to poke me in my forehead. I screeched at him, a little bit too loud of a sound in my surprise, reaching for my face. “I’ve saved your life, stalked you, and told you all my deepest and darkest secrets and you really think that you like me more than I like you?”

“Please, Cullen.” I muttered, shoving more salad into my mouth. “It’s obvious. You have no concept of personal boundaries and you’re bored with life—that’s why _you’re_ here. I, however, am risking my life. I like you a lot more. Obviously.”

“You’re wrong.” He snarled.

“About what? Me risking my life to hang around you?”

“No, not that. It’s true that you are. I mean about you liking me more than I like you. Your dead. Fucking. Wrong.” All at once he was sighing, soft and sad. “I like you a little too much, Bell. I don’t want to scare you away with what I feel. I’ve tried hinting at it and hinting at it and then sometimes going as close to the truth as I possibly can but… I feel like I’d actually have to come out and say it just to get it through your stubborn fucking skull.”

“Fine then.” I said, rolling my eyes at him. “Oh wise and masterful old man—tell me straight up.”

“You’ve changed me.” He said, voice deep and soft—like his eyebrows—as he leaned in even closer. He shoved the tray aside fully to put his elbows on the table. “Irrevocably. Forever.”

“Because of my scent.” I drawled. “And because you decided to be a good little monster and not kill me like all your family was telling you to.”

“At first.” He nodded. “But then I got to know you. Can’t you see it’s more than the scent? More than the fact that I can’t hear your mind? More than the fact that I think of you naked and moaning once every two or three minutes?” I blinked. “It’s all of it combined. Combined with how you treat me, how you’ve found out my secret. It’s all combined into this one big heaping mess of…” He trailed off, his eyes closing as if in pain.

“What?” I breathed. “Tell me.”

“When a vampire falls in love, Bell. It’s forever.”

I reeled backwards, nearly toppling my seat. I stared at his closed and sad face, shocked beyond belief. “What.”

“I know. I know.” He sighed, opening his eyes to run his hand through his hair. “I know, Star. Fucking trust me. I don’t expect you to… reciprocate. But trust me, my feelings for you are very intense.”

“I see.” I wheezed. Love. He loved me. How? It was so quick, so startling, so unexpected. “Is that…” I licked my lips. “Is that how you’re preventing yourself from killing me?”

“Yes.” He grinned, at once happy again. “And keeping you alive is becoming a rather full time occupation that  requires a lot of attention on my part.” His mischievousness lit up his face.

“You make it sound like hitmen are coming after me on a near constant basis. Like there’s bombs strapped to my car and shit.” I said, rolling my eyes, still floored by his speech.

Love… I hadn’t known him long enough to say I loved him. Didn’t even know what love would feel like if I had it for him. I expected that, with a creature like Isaiah, love would feel very different than the comfortable, warm feeling I had for my mom and Charlie. But then, whose to say I didn’t love him? I’m more than sure I’m capable of it. More than sure that if I got over my fears of him it would be kind of easy to love him… but love…

“Oh, I’m sure it’s coming.” He teased. “So, tell me, do you really want to go to Seattle this Saturday?”

“Why Isaiah Cullen,” I gasped. “Are you asking me to the dance?”

He laughed. “I’d go if you wanted to, but no, that’s not what I was going to ask.” He gave me his bad boy smile. “I told you before, I’ve thought about dancing with you. What it would be like to lead you, hold you close. Your skin is so warm, it leaves little trails of fire across my skin. I bet holding you for a song or two would feel a little like burning.” He seemed to find the idea pleasant.

I shifted in my seat, trying to ignore the sex in his gravelly voice. “So, are you hell bent on Seattle or do you mind if we change our plans?”

“Depends on what you want.” I said, remembering to eat.

“The weather’ll be nice so I’m thinking we should do something fun out in the sun.”

“You, sun?” I gasped. “What, wait—you mean that forbidden thing up in the sky? Won’t you get, like, a tan? Or maybe even a vaguely human complexion?”

“No.” He said, deadpan. “I don’t tan.”

“What about before?” I asked, twirling my spork around in his general face direction. “You look like you have a bit of Hispanic blood in you. I can see you with a tan.”

He made a soft noise in his throat. “Carlisle found me in Spain, yes, I think I had a tan. It was all so long ago, though.”

“Fully Spanish?” I asked, blinking. I hadn’t expected that.

“My mother was Spanish, yes. My father, I think, was a Viking from Denmark come to escape Vladamar IV.”

“Wait, a fucking Viking?” I hissed. “How old are you?”

“I have no idea.” He shrugged. “Back then we didn’t keep track of ages and it’s not like I have an original birth certificate or anything. Carlisle found me dying from the black plague that was spreading there at the time. I think around the mid 1300’s.” He shrugged as I ogled him. 1300’s… his age was so impossible I couldn’t even count it easily in my head. He was 600—700 years old.

“Fucking Christ.”

“But yes, I think I had a tan, before.” He smiled pleasantly, almost appreciatively. “Most people don’t notice that.” He immediately turned somber again. “So, do you want to go? I’m thinking a hike.”

“A hike.”

“Yes. It’s something people do sometimes when they want to be physically active in nature. It requires walking.”

“Oh, really?” I snarled. “Are you sure it doesn’t involve flying?”

“I’d still be willing to go to Seattle with you,” He offered, ignoring me. “I don’t even want to imagine the kind of trouble you’d find in a city that large.”

“New York is way larger!”

“Yes, but your time wasn’t up in New York.” He reminded me. “So where you go, I go. I just wanted to know if you were hell bent on it.”

“I’ll go on a fucking hike.” I muttered, eating more. “But I can’t the weekend of the dance. I made plans with Charlie and he took the entire weekend off so we could spend time together. How about on Monday? Or, hell, tonight even.”

“After school sounds fine. But tell Charlie what you’re doing. Oh, and Jessica and Angela while you’re at it.” He said, nodding like the matter was resolved.

“What? Why?”

“Because, the more people that know the more incentive I have to bring you back.”

“Please, as if that would stop you from killing me.” I chewed some more. “So, hey, question, why did you go to Goat Rocks last weekend? To hunt? Charlie said it wasn’t a good place for hikers ‘cus of the bears. Do you eat bears?”

He nodded, his face going tense again. “They’re Emmet’s favorite.” He said, waving his hand in the air like it didn’t matter.

“Hu.” I took another mouthful. “I haven’t had meat in… fuck, over twelve years. What does bear taste like?”

“Bit bitter, actually.”

“Not as good as penguin, then?”

“Penguin is a fucking delicacy, Star.” He punctuated that by stabbing the table with his finger. “A fucking delicacy.”

“What’s your favorite around here, then?”

“Mountain lion.” He arched an eyebrow, waiting for my reaction.

“Ah.” I took a sip of the drink I hadn’t touched all lunch. “You’re careful not to impact the environment, though, right?”

“Of course. We try to focus on the areas with overpopulated predators and go as far as we need. We’re the only substantial coven in North America so we can go just about anywhere we want, though we stick to less sunny areas and try to avoid anything near heavily populated woodlands. There’s always a lot of deer and elk here but they’re rather boring to hunt.”

“Oh, yeah, if they can’t fight back there’s no fun in it.” I teased.

“Early spring is Emmet’s favorite season. The bears are just getting out of hibernation and are all irritable.” He laughed, suddenly.

“Oh yeah, all growly and shit.” I pretended to be a bear, scrunching up my face to snarl and strike a claw through the air. “Grr.” I couldn’t help but look over to Emmet as I did, grateful he wasn’t looking my way. The bands of his muscles were massive under his tattoos. He also looked like he was grinning, too, staring up into the air with a kind of reminiscent smile. I realized all at once that his family could hear every word we were saying.

Isaiah gave one of his booming laughs. It actually made the cafeteria turn still and quiet at the sound, the entire place freezing for a heartbeat before going back to their conversations. “I can’t really visualize it.” I told him honestly.

“Watch a nature documentary.” He teased.

“Would I be able to see you hunt one day?” I asked.

All at once his humor was gone and his face was furious. His eyebrows, however, were horrified. “Fuck no!” He raged.

“What? Scared I’ll freak out and run?” I asked, frowning at him.

“Yes.” He hissed. “And then you’ll trigger my damn reflexes and I’d hunt you down before I thought otherwise. When I’m hunting… instincts kick in, Star. It’s all instinct, all giving in to the thirst. If you were there I wouldn’t _not_ hunt you down. If you ran, even worse. You’d be dead in my arms in seconds.”

“Well.” I grunted. I noticed the cafeteria thinning out then. I quickly ate the rest of my salad in silence before standing. Isaiah grabbed the rest of the uneaten food and we hurried to class without another word.


	5. The Lions Den

People stared as we entered Biology. They stared some more as we sat down. He didn’t try to sit at the edge of the desk this time, instead deciding to sit next to me, our bodies so close I could feel his coldness radiating through the side of me. “So, Izzy,” I said, turning to him. “Why do you try so hard to keep it all a secret? A secret that’s very badly kept, by the way.” I asked.

He frowned, crossing his arms and leaning back. “That’s a very complicated question to ask me. I might answer it later.” He smiled at my scowl.

“I thought we were done with evasion.”

“Star, sweetheart.” He said. “There are eyes and ears on us right now. It’s not the time for that kind of conversation.”

I was about to answer when Mr. Banner backed into the room with an old TV and VCR on a tall cart. A movie day. The atmosphere in the room changed immediately. Isaiah and I watched in silence as Banner put the tape in to start the documentary and turned off the lights.

With the lights off I was hyper-aware of Isaiah sitting next to me. We’d been alone in the dark before but always with something between us—mainly the center consul of the car—and having him so close that I could feel his coldness… I twisted in my seat, crossing my legs as I did. I looked up to see that Isaiah had followed the motion, his eyes dark and dangerous before slowly raking up my body. As he looked in my face I was extremely aware of the fact that he could smell arousal. It made me a little wetter, noticeably so, and I licked my lips as the feeling of my breasts growing heavy and tight. I was aware of the fabric of my underwear, aware of the wonderful sensation of tingling running up and down my folds.

Isaiah made a deep, wonderful sound in the back of his throat. The opening credits finished and I looked quickly away towards the old TV. Then I looked back. He was still staring, his arms crossed tightly at his chest, his entire posture still in its customary slouch. “Can you tell what I’m thinking?” He asked, voice nothing more than a gentle rasp.

I smiled. “I can’t, but I know what I’m thinking.” I whispered. His tongue on my neck had felt like hard snow, wet and freezing and tickling. I could imagine that sensation everywhere. My neck, my ears, my breasts, my stomach, my inner thighs, between my thighs.

He very carefully—making the motion deliberate—uncrossed his arms and reached for my hand. He did that holding thing, allowing my fingers to slip through his before his tightened the hold so our fingers rested against each other without any pressure. He put our combined hands in my lap, instantly making me cold. The back of his cold hand was placed, again, deliberately, in the juncture between my thighs where my romper rode up high on my thighs. My gaze shot forward, towards the TV. I couldn’t even say what it was about, just knew it was very hard to breathe normally without gasping, my chest lowering and raising with heavy speed.

I uncrossed my legs, bracing my legs wide. Using only my thigh muscles I raised my hips a bit against his immovable hand. I lowered them again. There wasn’t any real friction, just a delicious coldness. He was frozen still for two small movements. Then his hand twisted, his finger coming out. Now I had friction. I was careful to keep my movements small—but then he seemed to think even that was too much because he started to move for me, his finger gliding up and down.

At the first slide upwards and down against that wonderful sensitivity between my legs I couldn’t help it. I shook—shivering from the cold and something deeper—and my head flew back. I shove it back upwards quickly. Like I’d knocked it back out of sleep or boredom. I was breathing through my mouth, now. A heaving kind of hiss escaped as he did it again.

  
“Shhhh…” He murmured, so soft I barely heard him over the TV. He leaned in close as if to conspire against something, cold breath on my ear again. “I know you make a lot of noise but let’s see if you can be quiet, Star.” He murmured.

Isaiah Cullen. He was going to be the death of me.

Every motion was agonizing and almost not enough, not with his gentle pressure, not with his up and down movements—going from clit to hole almost perfectly—and not with the romper in the way. Not enough to properly get off at least. It didn’t take long for me to get so wet that he could feel it. As the glide got easier, a harsh sound escaped from his throat. I tried not to jerk my hips. I tried not to look away from the glowing TV. I tried not to make a sound as my breathing got heavier and heavier, faster.

I built up with a deliberate slowness. As it got harder and harder to control, I folded down, lowering my face into my free arm like some of the other students. I bit at my skin as I tried not to shake. Up and down, tighter and tighter. I felt like I was being wound. Felt like he was undoing me from the inside out.

I needed more. I tried to jerk up into the pressure of his finger but he stilled immediately when I tried, not going back to it till my hips stopped moving. Then the up and the down. He started making delicious circles before going down, teasing out my clits location. As soon as he found it I couldn’t help but bite down into my forearm, an inaudible sound coming out that was more breath than anything else. He never missed it again. “You like that, Star?” He asked, cold breath blowing across the nape of my neck as he leaned down over me. “Hmmm?” He knew where I was most sensitive, he know, somehow,  where to tease through the fabric. He tapped in just the right spot, sending a shock through my entire system that had me nearly falling to the floor. “Shhh—it’s over when they notice, baby. Try to keep still—”

“I can’t.”

Slow, agonizing circles, that teasing pressure. I was hot, I was cold, I needed more. “That’s a shame—” He moved to take away his hand and I wished my grip on his wrist would keep it there.

“Don’t you dare.” A little too loud, the students in front of us turned their head. “Iz!”

His chuckle was dark and low. “What do you want? Hmm?” He pushed his nose up to the spot where my ear met my cheek, the cold, hard tip of it moving up and down like his fingers had been moments before. “Tell me.”

“I want—”

“Shh.”

“I want,” I said, voice lower. “For you to put your hand up my shorts and actually feel how fucking wet I am for you. I want you to feel me, tease me, then I want you to slide your fingers inside me. I want you to feel how ready I am to do all of those filthy things you said you wanted to do.” His fingers started to move. “You say you want me to tell you who I belong to, Isaiah Cullen? Well you have to make me yours.”

For a second I thought I said something wrong. He pulled back so our faces were separated and he was sitting upright, looking ahead. I followed his gaze to where Mr. Banner’s face glowed from his phone screen. He was staring right at us. When he looked away, the fingers were back.

It took nearly the entire hour. The tightening and tension of it all finally releasing me into a puddle of loose limbs and pure, wonderful bliss. I couldn’t even move if I wanted to, my body would have fallen if I wasn’t already leaning over the table. I gasped into the space my arm provided, feeling my eyes roll back, feeling him tease out the last of it then abruptly stopping.

Next thing I knew the lights were on and he was gently shaking my shoulder. “Hey, Star. Wake up. Time to go.” He murmured, leaning over me.

I looked up at him. The side of my face was wet. “Wha?”

“You fell asleep.” His eyes were glowing in their warmth, his entire face—eyebrows included—grinning in pure joy.

“Oh.” I sat up, still feeling loose and strange. I whipped the drool off and took his offered hand as he helped me up on knees that didn’t quite feel stable. “I…” I had nothing to say. Feeling loose and wonderful I leaned into his coldness.

He smiled, grabbing my purse for me. “C’mon, time for Gym.”

  
“Why you gotta ruin a good moment?” I asked, unable to help the grin on my face regardless.

He walked me out into the rain. I wished I was brave enough then to pull him close and bring his lips to mine. Instead, I grabbed my flowing cardigan closer to me. “It’ll be interesting trying to hide the stain when I change.” I commented, not daring to look down at where my romper was soaked. “Do you think anybody…?”

“It would take a mind reader to know.” He was still grinning, still looking like he was on top of the world though he himself hadn’t been touched. “I gotta say, though, movie day is now my new favorite.”

* * *

  
“Someone’s in a good mood,” Isaiah said, walking up towards me. He looked like he was on a runway, his hands in his slack’s pockets, his massive wool coat flared at his slim hips.

“You know, I just realized something.” I said, grabbing his arm and hugging it as he directed us back towards the parking lot. “Being an old man, you’ve had a lot of time to perfect your skills.”

“Star, those were only my fingers.” He winked.

“How was your last class—what even is your last class?”

“Spanish.” He chuckled. “It’s interesting how the language has changed over the years, it’s probably one of the only classes I can say I enjoy.”

  
I was about to ask him what he meant when I noticed the huge crowd surrounding the Prius—or, well, not the Prius but the car next to it. The red convertible that the other Cullen’s had driven in. Most of the crowd was guys and their cell phones and they shuffled away as Isaiah and I made our way to the Prius, ogling the car like it was a celebrity.

“What kind of car is that?” I asked as I buckled up.

“An M3.”

“Gazuntite.”

He sighed. “It’s a BMW, Bell. A kind of car.” He tried to back out without hitting any of the mulling enthusiasts.

“Ohhh—you mean a thing with an engine?”

“Exactly.” He drove out of the parking lot and towards my house. “So, do you have appropriate clothes for hiking?”

“I have a pencil skirt, yeah.” His laughter was wondering. “But no, I have sturdy jeans and a flannel—I even have boots. My mom bought me some Tim’s the other year—I don’t really want to get them dirty but…”

“What size are you, I’ll buy you ones you can get muddy.”

“Seriously?” I looked over to him, watching him control the car through the rain and drive down Charlie’s street.

“Yes, why?”

“I mean, you’ll just… buy me shoes.”

“I have money.”

“Obviously. You bought diamond earrings as a ‘I’m sorry to break your expensive sports car’ gift—I know you have money. But you won’t for very long if you throw it away on frivolous gifts for your human pet.”

Isaiah snarled. It was one of his playful snarls—much different from his ‘I’m angry and want to rip a head off’ snarl. “Good thing I don’t have a human pet, Star. I have a very ill-prepared girlfriend.”

“Isn’t girlfriend a little childish?” I asked, watching the rain splatter against the wind as the car stopped. “I mean, if you're going to buy me things why not just call me your sugar baby?”

“You’re fucking catty right now.” He put the Prius in park outside my house and leaned his elbow on the center consul to look at me. “A—you’re not a pet. If your into that kink I'm willing to try it out, but only in the bedroom. B—I am posing as a seventeen-year-old boy. Girlfriend works just fine. And C—if we’re going to be technical you’d be my great-great-great-great-great-great—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” I leaned over and kissed the tip of his cold nose. “I have my own money, though.”

“You won’t for very long if you keep spending it on frivolous things.” He teased, grabbing a strand of hair that had left my bun again. “Let me buy you things. Let me buy you shoes, a car, a house. Let me pay for your college tuition, your 4o1k. Let me give you a trust fund and make you a millionaire.”

“You have millions to just throw away like that?” I narrowed my eyes. “Or is this an investment? You buy me now that you’ve finger fucked me?”

He sighed, blowing wondering, fragrant cold air onto my face. “I don’t understand, modern women these days. You want to buy your own shoes? Fine.” In a blinding movement he had my foot in his hand, twisting my leg around to jerk off my shoes. “Ahh—seven. I’ll go seven and a half just in case the boots fit differently. Wear thick socks."

“Bastard. I’m still buying my own boots.”

“Then you’ll have two pairs." He smirked and gave me back my shoe.

And really, it was okay that he wanted to buy me things. I didn’t mind that—I was just worried I’d come to like it too much, maybe even expect it. And that—that was how gold-diggers were born. That’s how tension started. Nothing broke up a relationship faster than money. “Whatever, you’ll pick me up…”

“Let’s say an hour, yeah?”

“Fine.” I opened the door, letting the cold rain enter the car for a second—only I couldn’t open the door very far. Suddenly Isaiah had rushed over my lap to still my hand. “What—” I looked at his face. It was still and burningly furious. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I smell your little ‘wolf friend out there.” He said. “I’m guessing the one who told you my little secret?” I tried to look out past the rain. He’d parked me across the street, I hadn’t realized why until I saw the car sitting in Charlie’s place in the driveway. Two blurry figures were huddled under the porch awning to get out of the rain.

“Jacobs here?” It would be good to see him again—

“You like this Jacob.”

“What—no—”

“Don’t lie to me, Star. We promised each other, no lies.” He snarled. And not one of his playful ones. “You like this boy, you just have to say it.”

“I think he’s cute, sure.” I jerked my chin up. And nice, and funny. Jacob was my type, the kind of guy I usually liked to date, actually. 

“I smell a little bit more than that.”

“And what do you smell?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Bell…” He sighed.

“Not Star?”

“Always Star.” He grabbed my upraised chin, stroking it with the pad of his cold thumb. “Listen to me for a second, I’m going to try to explain this as best I can. I am old, you lovely, young thing. I have experienced a lot in life, too much, some would say. You however, have literally only just begun living. I… would never want to take away something that makes you light up as you just have. Not from you. Not when your happiness means so much to me.”

“What are you saying?” Whatever it was, I wasnt quite sure I liked it.

“I’m saying that I love you, Star. And yes, I know that makes you uncomfortable right now. I don’t really care. What you feel for this boy… don’t be afraid to live because of me.”

“I don’t sleep around, Iz.” In fact, I was marginally pissed off he even thought I was capable of it. Whatever his damn super-senses were telling him.

“I’m not saying that—” He sighed, letting me go. “I’m saying, Star. Don’t be afraid to live. Don’t tie yourself down to an old man. Give yourself options, explore them. And most of all… do what makes you happy.” He jerked his chin towards the house. “It’s rude to make them wait so long. Call me when you’re ready to go.”

“I don’t have your number.”

“I saved it into your phone this morning when you were changing. Go.”

  
“So—let me get this straight. You’re telling me we’re unexclusive? That if I wanted to, I could go out on a date with Mike? With Jacob? Let Tyler take me to prom? You’d totally be fine with that? Hell, I’m happy, so what if I smell like condoms and another dude’s cum?” And no—he was definitely not okay with that if his face was anything to go by.

“I’d understand.” It sounded painful coming from his clenched jaw.

“What about you, you gunna fuck around?”

His lips thinned. “I don’t want to.”

“I don’t either!” I threw my hands up, dumbfounded by him.

“If you did—”

“So this is what we are? You finger fuck me in class, buy me things—and I get to sleep around on you whenever I damn well please? No commitment necessary because I’m young and you don’t expect such things from me?” When he didn’t speak, my anger grew. “Fuck you.” I kicked the door open all the way and stormed out into the rain, flinging my purse onto my shoulders. The Prius pulled away quickly, silently peeling down the road. Gone in seconds.

I ran to the porch as Jacob’s warm voice called out a hello through the rain.

I didn’t want to let Isaiah ruin my mood or my enjoyment of a family friend. I liked Jake, I really did, I couldn’t deny that of myself but… but nothing. Fuck Isaiah. “Hellooo Jake!” I yelled, taking solace with him under the awning. He was standing with a much older man in a wheelchair, whose lined face was at once soft and familiar and reminded me of summer’s spent on the Reservation, fishing.

“Jake!” I said. I would not let Isaiah bring me down. So when Jake stepped forward I flung myself into his arms, enjoying the warm, leathery smell of him. “What are you doing here? There’s a game on today, isn’t there? Are you staying? I can make some quick dinner.”

“That’s the plan.” He said, letting me go so I could smile at his grandfather, Billy. The old man’s face was so oddly familiar, despite the fact that I’d forgotten it for years. There was a fear there in his eyes that I’d never seen before. A flaring of the nostrils that showed displeasure not normal to his usually serene face. Had he been able to recognize Isaiah from across the road? Did he believe the stories his grandson scoffed at so easily?

“That and Jacob was anxious to see you again, Bells.”

“Grandad!” I quickly hid my face into the door under the excuse of unlocking it. I didn’t want to think about him reciprocating my feelings, even though I knew he did. Damn Isaiah for making it all so awarded. For putting those thoughts into my head. “I just—you’re fun to hang around and—”

“It’s all good. Get inside, get warm. I’m sure Charlie’ll be home from work soon.”

I opened the door and we piled into the living room, Billy putting his raincoat on the back of his chair while I sat on the couch. “So, how are things? I haven’t seen you in years, Billy.”

“Same as ever.” He nodded gently to me.

“Is something wrong with the truck?” Jacob asked suddenly.

“What? No? Why?”

“Oh, I was just wondering why you weren’t driving it.” He shuffled around, not sitting.

“No, I just got a ride from a friend.”

“Nice ride.” Jacob said, smiling. His charm was infectious. “I don’t recognize the driver. I thought I knew most of the kids ‘round here.”

“Come down often?”

“Gotta sell the weed to somebody.” He joked.

“Jake.”

“Kidding Grandad, kidding.”

“You got any of that weed?”

“Elizabeth? Really?”

“Don’t tell my dad?” I asked, clapping my hands, grinning.

“I don’t have any on me, maybe next time I come down?”

“Bet, I’ll come down to see you, that way we don’t have any prying Sheriff eyes.” I winked at him, and was relieved to hear Charlie’s cruiser. “Ah, that’s my cue to be housemaker and start some dinner.”

“Want help?” Jacob followed me into the kitchen. “So, what’s for dinner?”

“Hmmm…” I opened up the fridge to look inside. It was actually kind of sparse. There was milk, a gallon of Kool-Aid, half a pound of mushrooms, some asparagus, eggs, bell peppers, jalapenos, yogurt, and cheese sticks. I tried looking in the freezer. “What do you think?” I asked, looking at the pounds of fish and old hamburger inside.

His head popped up beside mine, his chin resting on my shoulder. “Damn. You need to go shopping. So much for being a housemaker.”

“I’m a shame to my gender.” I teased.

“How about… stuffed peppers? Game’ll be on for a while.”

“Fuck it, why not. Set the oven to 450.”

“Aye aye Captain.” He walked away to go set the oven while I grabbed the ingredients. I tossed him the block of hamburger to put in the microwave while I grabbed the rice cooker. It was easy to move around with him, each of us in synch. Without asking he cut and prepped the peppers and I grabbed a can of tomatoes. Outside the kitchen, it sounded like the TV was turning on. “Pan?”

“That cabinet to the left. Below. Yeah.”

“Just don’t check out my ass when I bend down.”

“I make no promises.” I teased, turning my back to him to pour rice into a bowl to wash away the starch.

“So,” He said, as the meat was frying. “Who drove you home?”

“Ah, Isaiah Cullen.”

He laughed, reaching around me to grab the salt. “That explains my Grandad’s reaction.”

“He believes those old stories?” I asked, hoping the tension wasn’t in my voice.

“Oh yeah—hardcore. He’s a spiritual old man. Very into the tribe’s heritage.”

“Hmmm… well, if I end up a dried up husky without any blood, you know who to call.”

“Ghostbusters, obviously.”

We put the bell peppers in the oven and he left me for the game as I premade my own meal, frying up a few eggs to put into the leftover rice. When I was done, I made myself at home on the coffee table to do my homework as Charlie and Billy drank beers and cheered for their team. When I went to go put my bowl in the fridge at the end of the game, I wasn’t surprised that Billy followed. “Bella, I wanted to talk to you about—”

“The Cullen’s, I’m guessing.” I turned to face him, gripping the counter behind me. “I find I hold my Charlie’s same opinion on them.”

Billy’s wrinkled mouth tightened. “There are things you don’t know—”

“You’d be amazed at what I know, Billy.” I sighed. “I know.”

Billy frowned. “Does Charlie?”

“No, and I don’t want him to. Do you?”

“No.” He sighed. “Be safe Bell. Just… be safe.”

“Always.” I smiled. “Now, come take some fish off our hands. I’ve run out of ways to cook it.” I grabbed about two pounds from the freezer, wrapping them in a reusable shopping bag and putting it on the back of his chair. “Tell Jake I’ll come by and see him soon.”

“Tell him yourself.” Jake said, bouncing into the kitchen. “Hey, give me love.”

His hug was warm and welcome. I squeezed his middle before stepping back. “See you soon, then.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” His smile was so contagious. When I was around him, it was like I was infected with joy.

Charlie and I watched Jake pile Billy into the little black car in the driveway and then drive off. “Hey, so I have plans tonight, just FYI.” I said, grabbing my phone from my purse and finding that—yes, Isaiah had programmed his number in. It was under Scary Hot Guy, and he’d taken a selfie to fill the contact. The camera didn’t do him justice as he looked up at it, smiling softly with my bedroom in the background.

“This late? It’s almost ten, Bells.” Charlie said, following me in.

“I’ll probably stay the night with him—I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted?” I said, moving to walk up the stairs as I texted Isaiah that I would be ready in ten.

“Wait wait wait, hold on young miss.” Charlie grabbed the back of my cardigan, keeping me from going up the stairs. “What is this? You think this is okay?”

“What?” I looked back at him. And yeah, of course, this was Charlie, not Mom. “It’s okay.”

“No it is not. Who is he? What are you doing? You are not staying the night with him. I expect you home no later than midnight.”

“Dad, that’s unreasonable.”

“It’s a school night.”

“For a school that’s so far behind I’m pretty sure I’ll have to cram just to get into Brown. C’mon, Hell High is a joke.”

“Still, you have responsibilities. You’re a seventeen your old girl and you cannot just stay the night with some boy I’ve never met before. Who is he?”

“Isaiah Cullen.” Charlie paused, seeming to mull that over. “Yeah, you like the Cullen’s, remember?”

“You’re dating a Cullen? Is it that big one with that tattoos?” He let go of my cardigan to grab his beer on the hall table.

“No, that's Emmett. Isaiah said he'd be here in a few minutes, so you can officially meet him. But Dad—”

“No ‘dad’. You can’t stay the night with a boy.”

“What if he was gay?”

“Is he gay?”

“Maybe?”

Charlie gave a snort. “The answer is no. Midnight curfew.”

“Mom let me—”

“Your mother is not here. I am. And I find it ridiculous that she would let you do whatever you wanted. You’re too young, Bells.”

I took my time going down the steps. “You’re advocating for youth? So, what, I can only live and experience adult life once the marker turns 18? Then I’m free to do what I want without constraints? Once I’m no longer in a stable household but away with strangers my own age so I can be taken advantage of without a loving house—”

“No.”

He walked away.

In my hand, my phone buzzed with a new message. _Sure, be there soon. Wear something warm._

_I think it may be a no-go. My Dad says I have a curfew at midnight. I could just break it—decide to ignore the time and stay out all night, only I didn’t want to get on the wrong foot with Charlie like that. I didn’t want him to not trust me, either._

_Let me handle that._

Grinning, I ran up the steps to my bedroom. I had to dig around at the very back of my closet for my sturdiest pair of jeans and an old blue flannel. I put them on the bed before trying to find my best lingerie. I didn’t have much, at least, nothing official and not from the clearance bin at Victoria’s Secret. I ended up saying fuck it to the bra—when did I ever wear a bra anyway?—and put on the thong. Looking at myself with the jeans and the flannel and my hair pinned up—it was hard to even tell I looked vaguely sexy under. I really did have no curves to me.

I jogged down the steps just as Isaiah was knocking at the door. Charlie answered it after shrugging back his shoulders and putting on his cop face.

It was a pleasure to see their reactions to each other, it really was. I leaned against the banister as Isaiah's’ soft, gravelly voice said, “Hello, Sheriff.”

“Hello, Isaiah. It is Isaiah, isn’t it?”

“It is. Yes.”

“Well, come in, then.” Charlie stepped aside so Isaiah could walk in. He gave me a flash of a smile before leaning against the back of the couch. “So, Bells here tells me your taking her out on a date.”

“Did she?” Isaiah opened up his eyes wide. “Well…”

“Daddd.” I whined. “I never said we were going on a date.”

“What did I miss here?” Charlie asked, looking between us. He seemed to notice my attired then, frowning heavily.

“Actually, sir, my family and I are going camping out in the woods tonight and tomorrow. It’ll be good weather, lots of sun. We do it fairly often. I was just picking up Bell so my sister, Alice, could pack. She was the one who invited Bell along.” He looked appropriately awkward about it all.

“You mean you’re going to start your camping at night?”

“It’s just by my house. We live pretty far out into the woods so it’s basically our backyard. Totally safe. She’ll be sharing a tent with my sister, sir.” I had to bite my lip at the earnest, angelic expression on Isaiah’s face. “My dad will be in the tent over.”

“Oh, well, she didn’t tell me that. Your parents don’t mind you skipping school?”

“No, sir. They homeschool me. I only got to Forks Highschool for the socializing.”

Oh God, I had to walk away to keep the laughter in. I walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and nearly spat it out when I remembered what Isaiah’s face looked like. I was calm, though, when I walked back into the living room. And Charlie was absolutely smitten. “Well, yes, that does sound all right. Bells, you’re sure you can keep up with your homework?”

“I’m weeks ahead.” I said, nodding.

“Okay then, text me. And let me know your safe. I want to keep from Dr. Cullen, too.”

“Will do, sir.” Isaiah nodded and stood up. “We should get going.”

“Right.” I kissed Charlie on the cheek before following Isaiah out the door. “I’ll text you!”

Charlie stood in the doorway as I took off my socks to walk barefoot to the Prius. I got inside and buckled up my seatbelt, trying to hold in my grin as Isaiah backed out of the driveway. “You,” I said, when it was safe to grin. “Are fucking brilliant.”

“I try.” He reached into the back and handed me a shoebox with the North Face logo on it. “Size Seven and a half.”

“How are we going to fool him, though? I mean, it’s a small town. He’ll know when your siblings show up to school tomorrow that we were lying. And he’ll know when Carlisle doesn’t call.”

“Give me a minute.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. He could text with one hand in such a rapid-fire motion that his thumb blurred. “What’s your dad’s number?” I told him. “Okay, done.”

  
“That’s it? Just like that?”

“It’s not like my siblings need a real excuse not to go to school.”

“And Carlisle?”

“He’ll call. He won’t be happy that we lied to get you out or that—you know, I’m technically taking a teenager girl on false pretenses, but…” He shrugged, then reached over and grabbed my hand in his cold one. “I didn’t know you planned on staying the night with me, though.”

“Really? Even though we're going on a hike so late?”

“Ah—sleep, yes.” He snorted. “You humans are so fragile with your regular schedules and your needs.”

“Oh, yeah. Sleep. It’s so weak.”

He tugged on my hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of it. “I’m surprised you're okay with me kidnapping you for the night.”

“I have a death wish.”

All at once his good humor was gone. The hiss he let out between his lips was more like a cats than I’d ever expected to hear from him. He let my hand go. “Iz—”

“No. It’s true. We both know it.”

“Speaking of which—we didn’t finish our conversation about Jacob.”

  
I was gratified to see him wince as he pulled onto the highway. “Yes, about that… I talked to Esme, when I got home. She… explained to me that I didn’t approach the subject in the—ah, best way.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Don’t be mad.” He looked over at me, looking at me from beneath his lashes. “Please. I just wanted… things today are so different from what I’m used to. This—us—is different from what I’m used to. What you’re used to. I wanted to make sure that you didn’t feel… burdened by my feelings. That you knew, without a doubt, that I’m not expecting…”

“Commitment?”

“For you to not change your mind.” He said. We turned off the highway and drove on a dirt path, the trail leading us into darkness and trees. “You said your longest relationship has been three months? Well what if you get sick of me then? Or in five months? Or ten? What if me being a vampire becomes too much and you feel like you can’t get out because I’m… well, me? I wanted to tell you that you can. That just because you're with me right now doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind and be with someone more like you. Someone your age, someone your species.”

“Okay. Fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “That’s a lot better than—oh, hey, you find that guy attractive? Why not jump his bones, I don’t care!” He winced again, his eyebrows showing his dark thoughts. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“The idea… of you with someone is—upsetting, to put it mildly.”

“You’re jealous? Of something you nearly tried to encourage?”

“Yes.”

“You, Isaiah, are impossible.” I sighed and leaned over, putting my head on his cold, hard shoulder. “I appreciate the sentiment, I do. I’ll let you know if this is becoming too much, if I want out.”

“Just don’t be scared of me when you do.”

“If I do. I can’t see into the future.”

“Alice can.”

“Wait, really?” I looked up. “She can?”

“Yeah, like I can read minds. It’s her special gift.”

“What does she see?”

“You might not want to ask me that question.” He said, through gritted teeth.

“Tell me anyway.”

He sighed, suddenly pulling over. I looked around into the darkness to see… next to nothing. Trees. The possible dirt path half hidden by the headlights. It did seem a little insane to go hiking in the middle of the night. Exciting—but insane.

“She sees multiple avenues. It all kind of depends on—on tonight, actually. This night, us, alone, is where the three paths become definitive, I guess you could say.” He turned off the headlights but kept the car on. “Just say the word and we can go back. Say the trip was canceled—we can—”

“What does Alice see?”

He looked away, so I could only see the dash-lights playing off his cheekbone. “In one future, I kill you. Your father, he drinks himself into an early grave. Your mom never gets over it—she breaks up with Phil and... and isn’t happy. Another future is you as a vampire. Your mother thinks you’re avoiding her. Your father is alone.” And that hurt. To think about either future. I didn’t want to abandon my family. I didn’t want to become a vampire. I especially didn’t want to be dead. “The last one is you, happy and human and with me. And my family.” He looked over at me. “We…”

“What?”

He sighed. “It’s a lot, Star. Please, know that this isn’t definitive. It isn’t set in stone. It changes constantly with thoughts and circumstances and—”

  
“Just tell me.” Anxiety pooled in my stomach, making me a little sick.

  
“We get married. You got to college with me. Travel the world with me. You’re there for your father’s funeral, your mothers. You die an old woman with me at your bedside, holding your hand and telling you I love you.”

  
Oh. Death, immortality, or a forever-relationship. That’s what Alice saw. Because of tonight. I shuddered and brought my knees up to my chest, putting my new boots on the leather seats. It was easy to say that the future wasn’t written in stone, but it had to mean something that those were my only three options after tonight. Death, immortality, and forever. “If I walk away right now, if I say to you, take me home and never, ever look at more or talk to me again, would you do it?”

He was silent for a second. “Yes. I would respect that.”

“And you’d not listen in?”

“Not for a very long time, no.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“I can’t promise forever. When your sixty I might just decide to come looking. I might stay in the shadows, watching you and your family, your husband and children and wonder… wonder what would have happened if you’d agreed to go out with me into those woods. How can I not?” Because to him—he was already in this. Committed for a lifetime. Forever.

“So instead you’d rather watch me get old and die with you?” I asked, frowning. “That’s the best outcome here, isn’t it? I turn into your mother, your grandmother. Sure, technically your older and wiser and more mature—but you’ll always look seventeen. When you hold my hand as an old lady, that’s all people will see. A cougar, a cradle-robber. Our relationship would be confined to strictly behind doors. I’ll get saggy skin, sun-spots—”

“I don’t care that you get old, Star.” He reached over, cupping my hand with his stone ones. “I’ll be there to support you when your bones get brittle. I’ll love you as I do now—with my whole heart, my whole body—long after you’ve gone to the grave.”

“In a lot of ways, this is worse for you than it is for me.”

“We can’t choose who we love.”

I smiled. “Aint that the truth.” My mom said that all the time. With every shitty boyfriend, ever random fling ‘you can’t choose who you love’. She’d said that with Charlie, too. “What happens tonight if I go with you?”

  
“I have camping gear in the back. Human shit. Tents and blankets and a little propane heater. We hike to my favorite place, watch the stars. I’d like to kiss you. Talk to you some more.”

“Sex?”

“Not penetration, but yes.”

“Why not penetration?” I asked, frowning.

“Because it’s too dangerous. I could break you.” I thought of how he grabbed the steering wheel and crushed it with his hands. I thought of the door he fused to the car’s frame from slamming it too hard. Yeah, yeah he could break me. “You haven’t hurt me yet, how?”

“Concentration, mostly. And it’s not like I really want to concentrate like that when I’m in you.” He shrugged and took his hand back. “That and you’d be very, very cold.”

“I don’t mind the cold so much anymore.” I said, looking out the window into the darkness. “How do you make a vampire, Isaiah?”

“I’m not telling you that. It’s the one thing I won’t tell you—no, you won’t get it out of me.” I snapped my mouth shut. “Ask however many times or ways you want, I won’t answer. I’ll tell you this, though. It’s not by accident.”

“And involves blood?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything. I sighed again and looked out the window, trying to think of what I wanted. I knew if I asked, this night would be over. The future Alice saw would be rewritten and there would be no Isaiah Cullen in my life. I’d think about him a lot, I knew. I thought about him a lot when he was gone those two weeks and he was nothing more than a social-sting, a threat to my wellbeing. Now that I knew him, now that I could recognize his touch or his laugh just about anywhere—it would be harder to forget him. I don’t think I could ever truly let him go… but the sting would lessen. My life would go on and I’d maybe try with Jacob or whoever caught my eye in college. I’d find someone, I knew, and Isaiah would just be a ‘what if’ in the back of my mind. A sad story of things larger than life.

The ‘what if’ had me, though. The idea of regretting not going into these woods. I wanted it, I did. I wanted the night with him. I wanted to see if he could control himself, being alone with me, intimate with me. I wanted to see what future of Alice’s was true, or if I could make my own. The ‘what if’ was what had me unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out of the car and into the light rain.

Isaiah followed without comment. He grabbed the massive bag from the trunk and slung it around one shoulder—then the smaller bags. He looked buried under it all so I grabbed the backpack that felt like it carried the blankets and sleeping bags inside, slinging it over my shoulder. “Where’s the flashlights?”

“Flashlights?” He asked, letting the Prius trunk close itself.

“To see by?”

“Oh. Right. You can’t see, hu?”

“Your fucking kidding me, right?”

“Sorry, I didn’t think about it. Actually I don’t have food, either, or—” His phone rang. He frowned down at the glow of it and then answered. “Alice, what—oh. Thank you.” He hung up with a smile on his face. “Alice said to check the glove box.” I did. Inside was a flashlight, some Luna bars, and a bottle of lube. “Hmmm…” He said, looking at it over my shoulder.

“Your sister is scary.” I said, shoving the bars and the lube in the backpack.

“You get used to her. Then it’s either convenient or annoying. Come on.” He started walking into the darkness.

I flicked on my flashlight and found the thin foot trail he was walking towards by the white-blue beam. Isaiah was heading in the other direction. Where there was no foot trail. Because of course not. If we were going hiking in the middle of the night, why use a trail? With the sigh, I followed him.

 

* * *

  
It was actually a lot better than I thought it would be. Fun, actually. Isaiah made a great companion. He held my hand over tricky parts of the path and hoisted me over fallen trees and boulders. He was infinitely patient when I asked to take a break and decided to play twenty questions with me.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Purple. The deep royal kind. Yours?”

“Hmmm, green. The specific shade of sunlight through leaves. What’s your favorite movie?”

“That’s a hard one—I’d probably say Your Name.”

“I’ve never heard of it, what’s it about?”

“It’s an anime movie, but I can’t tell you what it’s about, it ruins it. It’s a love story, though. Two people miles and miles from each other end up body swapping through some mystical journey bigger than themselves and fall in love.”

  
“I’d like to watch it.” He said, turning to smile.

“What about you?”

“I hate movies.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“No, I’m not. I hate TV, too. They’re infinitely slow to me. I have to put them on fast-forward for it to keep my attention.”

“You can… pay attention to them like that?”

“Sure, yeah. It’s actually how my kind talk to each other, when humans aren’t around. It would sound a lot to you like were on fast-forward.”

  
“Try, right now. Show me.” I said, grabbing his upraised hand as he helped me navigate over a root the size of a chair.

He started speaking—at least, I think he was speaking. His lips were a blurred thing and his voice was just a weird inflection of sound. All I really caught was the gravel of his voice. When he stopped, I said, “That’s really freaky. What did you say?”

“I said your breasts are hypnotizing when you jump. You’ve got great breasts and I really want to taste them. I can tell you aren’t wearing a bra and for some reason, you changed out your piercings so they’re not little balls anymore but these little circles. I’ve been trying to figure out all night what they are.”

“You said all that? In seconds?”

He nodded. “What are they? Your piercings?”

“Elephant heads.” I said. I grabbed the buttons of my flannel. The beam of the flashlight went everywhere as I undid half my shirt to pull aside the flap and show him. He bent down so his head was level with my chest to look. “See? The trunk circles under to the other side of the bar.”

“Hmmmm.” Was that his nose, or his tongue that touched my nipple gently? I tried to look to see but he was already standing in his instantaneous movements. My left nipple felt colder for it and I had to resist the shiver that tried to take over my spine. “Beautiful. Walk around like that?” He asked, walking on.

“Sure. Why not.” I smiled, undoing the rest of my shirt so the front of my torso was bare.

“What’s your favorite thing to eat?” He asked.

“Kimchee and rice. The hot, homemade kind. My mom and I used to make a batch before every winter to ferment. What about you?”

“I don’t really eat.” He said, flashing me a smile.

“Fine. Drink. Besides penguin, of course.”

“Of course. Penguin is at the top. I’d say… moose? Maybe. They’re very tangy. I had wolf, once—a real one, not one of your werewolves. They were pretty good, too.”

“What happens when you walk out into the sun?” I asked.

“I get a headache, mostly. And itchy. Sometimes if I’m outside for a really long time, I’ll feel the closest a vampire can to being sick.”

“That’s why you live here?”

“That and it’s a nice place to live. Isolated, near lots of game and predators. There’s a hospital for Carlisle to work at and truce with the neighboring supernatural-clan that lets us… well, be free isn’t a good term. More like secure.”

“Is it your favorite place to live?”

“Honestly? No. I like Spain. The language, the smells, the people, the dancing. It’s nothing like the place I grew up in but it has those hints. That heritage.”

“I was thinking about that, actually. You said you were born in Spain? Isaiah isn’t a very Spanish name. It’s not even a Viking name.”

  
“Carlisle renamed me my second decade into being a vampire. I didn’t want that—reminder, I suppose, of my humanity. It was a kindness. I’m sure, as biblical names fall even more out of style, I’ll get my name changed again. What do you think of Daniel? Do I look like a Kyle?”

I laughed. “No, you really don’t. Hmm… Sylas?”

He scrunched up his nose. “Why Sylas?”

“It’s weird—your weird.”

He laughed, low and thunderous. “Thanks for that, Star.”

“What was your actual name? Before?”

“Saluador.” He said, smiling. “No surname. My mother was a peasant. So I took after my father’s heritage and called myself Saluador SonAfkar. My mother worked for a laundress and my father trained me to use the sword. The city was in turmoil when I was a child. We were in Catalunya. A famine had whipped out a lot people in Barcelona so there were a lot of destitute coming into the city looking for food and work, bringing the famine with them. Yet a lot more moved back to Barcelona when the sickness came. Everyone thought that God hated us—was condemning us. People whipped themselves in some kind of repentance. They were the ones that died first, when the plague hit. Open wounds and all that. People were burning in the streets, massacres of entire families were happening daily, the police arrested everyone they could touch. The Jews were taken out of their homes and slaughtered by the families. It was—a strange time. A sad, ugly time. I remember thinking ‘thank God it’s over’ when I got sick…” He trailed off, lost in whatever thoughts he had.

“Say—Sayua—”

“Please, just stop.” He said, snorting.

“Hey! I can try!” I pushed my shoulder into his cold wall of a side. “My mom, she was going to name me Chun-ja.”

“Why didn’t she?”

“Because Charlie really wanted to name me after his mom. They promised each other that their next child was going to be Chun-ja… only there was no next child. She tried calling me that for the first few years of my life. Children are not kind.”

“No, I bet they aren’t.” He smiled. “We’re almost there, by the way.”

“Already?”

“It’s been almost three hours.” He teased. “Come on.” He tugged on the shirt before moving ahead. After another three minutes or so of walking we entered a clearing full of wildflowers and—stars. So many stars. I turned off my flashlight to walk with my head tilted high, just to see them all. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“So worth the walk.”

He laughed. “No, Star, what comes next will so be worth the walk.”

I ended up sitting down on the dewy wild grass to watch him expertly put up a tent. Despite the darkness and the fact that he’d never used one before—there was no hesitation in clicking poles together and running them through the tent fabric. It was a tiny thing, just meant for two people, but it fit the sleeping bags and blankets and pillows and propane heater just fine. In twenty minutes, it was all done.

“What now?” I asked. “Stargazing? What?”

“Hmmm… you look cold.” He said, looking at me holding myself.

“I am.”

“Well get inside. The heater is going. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I forgot something in the car.”

“Wait—that’s hours away!”

“Not for me, it’s not.” He leaned forward and gently kissed the top of my head. “Get inside. I’ll be five minutes, tops.” With a wink—he was gone. Just… vanished from thin air.

Vampires—honestly. With a sigh I walked into the tent and zipped it closed behind me. The propane heater really did its things, it was already toasty inside the vinyl walls. I took off my boots, socks, and pants, folding it all up into the netting above the sleeping bags before settling down. After a second of watching the netting swing, I grabbed a pillow and unzipped the tent, keeping it open just enough for my head to poke out the bottom to watch the stars while my body stayed warm. That’s how Isaiah found me less than five minutes later. “You look cute,” He said, popping out of nowhere.

“You’re cute.” I teased. “What did you grab?”

“Stereo.” He lifted it up. “Some ambiance.”

I was surprised to find he’d made a playlist. Soft piano mixed with even softer RandB. He put the stereo on the ground by my head and sat by the pillow, watching the stars with me until my eyes got heavy. “Ahh—sleep time for the human.” He teased.

“I’m not—” I yawned. “Not sleepy just yet.”

“I’m sure.” He teased. “Can I come into the tent, now, oh headless one?”

“Course.” I closed my eyes as he opened the tent zipper and hissed again—like a cat. “What?” I asked, sitting up on my elbows.

“It’s a very… concentrated smell.” He hissed. “It’s been a second since I’ve smelled you in an enclosed space. Somehow you’ve managed to soak everything in…” He was gone.

“Isaiah?” I asked, sitting up fully to look around. He wasn’t in the tent. I fished around for the flashlight and scanned the beam across the clearing to see him all the way on the other side, staring at me. “Are you… okay?”

He said nothing. Or if he did, he was too far away for me to hear. I sighed, grabbing a blanket and heading over to him. My bare feet moved through the grass and I walked right up to him, gazing up into his eyes as he stood there like a statue. Then, oh so slowly, I tilted my head sideways. He didn’t go for it right away. Instead, he took a step back and then a deep inhale, his eyes fluttering shut. After a few minutes, he stepped closer. Then closer. Then he put his face in my neck. I shivered as his tongue ran up the column. “You… taste good.” He breathed cold air against the wet skin.

“Like salt?”

“Like you.” He sighed. “Did I scare you?”

“You’ve scared me more when you don’t even try.”

He snorted then stood back. “Awesome, glad to know that when I don’t try, I’m at my worst.” He rolled his eyes. “Can you… give me a minute? I’ll be there in a second.” I opened up the blanket, showing him my bare body. “Right—lead the way.” He said, his eyes on my breasts. I turned to move when his hands were suddenly there, grabbing my arms. “No, here. Here, out in the open where there’s a fresh breeze.” I let the blanket fall away. Slowly, his cold fingertips trailed up to my collar bones. From there, they trailed back down, leaving traces of ice on my skin as he put his fingers. I felt naked under his gaze, cherished.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered. “Somehow, when you're not moving, you look so graceful. Like a dancer waiting for her song.” I could hear the music playing form his speaker on the other side of the clearing. A light, gentle tune that only caught my ears on the high notes. I thought about dancing—or getting him to dance with me, but then his fingertips were moving again. They trailed up my arms and across my collarbone. Down towards my tattoo before spreading. He teased the underside of my breasts, circling up, then tightening his circle till he was almost close enough to touch my nipple rings. I yelped when his fingers came out to flick the center, teasing my actual nipples.

“Are they sensitive, Star? Do you think I could get you off just my teasing them all night? Sucking on them, maybe?”

I was breathing too hard. With one hand, he used his index finger to touch the tips of my nipples, playing with the softest, most gentle touch I’d ever felt before. With his other hand he continued to explore, his fingers going down my belly, around my belly button, and towards the edge of my panties. “Hmmm… will you let me do what I want to you, Star? Will you let me learn your body?”

“Yes.” I breathed. God, yes.

He nodded, his pupils making his eyes big, dark things. He bent his head down and his tongue flicked out over my nipple, the one he’d been teasing. I groaned at the sensation of it, letting my head tip back as he teased inside the circle. He made the metal colder, made my already sensitive skin more sensitive. As he moved to the other nipple, his hand came up to grab my arching back, supporting me in a steel grip as he took my nipple into his mouth. The cold wetness of it was phenomenal. Even better when he took more of me into him, opening his jaw wide to take as much of my breast as he could. He played with the pressure, sucking the skin a bit, making me cry out as his teeth gently grazed over the flesh.  
.  
And then his mouth was gone. I groaned as he got onto his knees in front of me. As his tongue ran across the horizontal line of my panties. His hands cupped my ass, fingers teasing the flesh. And then all at once, his mouth was on me. I could feel it through the lace, the cold wet, the mass of his tongue. His fingers lifted from my cheeks to grab the string and he gently pulled my panties down around my ankles. “Do you know how bad I want to taste you here, Star? I want to splay you open. I want to find out how loud you can scream my name, how long I can keep you on the edge. I want to see what you do when stick my tongue into that tight little hole of yours.” His mouth didn’t go on me though. Instead, I felt his fingers on the inside of thighs, asking a gentle permission for me to part my legs more for his access. I stood as far apart as my panties—still around my ankles—would let me. “Ahhh.” His fingers slid down the outside of my thighs, then up from the inside. Up, up, till his gentle touch made me shake.

“You're so hot here. I can feel it, the heat, and I haven’t even…” All at once his fingers were higher. I cried out as an index finger slid gracefully into me. It was odd, unlike anything I’d ever had inside me before. Almost as if I’d put a glass dildo in the freezer before putting it inside me. “Ahhh—Star.” He kissed my lower belly, his tongue doing lazy patterns on my skin. “I don’t know if I can leave this, Star. This tight, wet heat. I’m getting addicted to the way you're squeezing me like that.” And I was. Contracting, trying to push his finger deeper in.

“Touch me more, please,” I begged. “More.”

“Is this what you want?” His thumb moved through my folds, tracing up my front till, oh so gently, he tapped my clit with the pad of it. The shock made me jerk. “Mmm—I think it is.”

“I—I haven’t even kissed you yet,” I said, bending over him to move my fingers through his soft hair.

“Kissing sounds great.” He lifted up his face and then his lips were trailing across my chin. I caught them with my own, pressing my lips into his hard, unmovable ones. There was no give, no gentle pressure. Just his own, controlling the kiss in every way. His tongue easily slipped between my lips, his taste invaded my mouth. I tried to grind against his finger, tried to get some friction with his thumb still resting over my clit—but he wasn’t having it. He moved with me instead of against me, taking away every bit of friction I tried to get till I ripped my mouth from his in a frustrated hiss.

“Isaiah—”

He was grinning. The evil bastard was grinning. “Yes, Star?”

“Stop fucking around.”

“Okay.” He let me go all at once, slipping out of me and then standing up. I was about to complain but then his hands were on the backs of my thighs and he was lifting me effortlessly into the air. My underwear fell somewhere in the grass as he walked me towards the tent. “I’ll need you lying down for this, though. Or maybe you want to fuck my face?”

I licked the outside of his ear, feeling his moan more than hearing it. “Get naked first,” I begged.

“Mmm… I don’t want you to cold.”

“The heater—the heater will help.” I had to see him naked. I had to see his cock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all the smut she wrote
> 
> If you haven't seen "Your Name", I highly recommend it. It's beautiful animated and beautifully told and so sweet and cute and feels-giving it's just--the best ever.
> 
> So--I kind of edited it. I'll do more later


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